#274

Quit smoking weed, because it's not a good expense to bear when you're out of work, and because my throat was starting to seriously kill me even if I took like three hits once a day. One is not meant to draw the same from the same well for one's whole life, so, it's ok. First smoked weed when I was sixteen, made a habit of it around eighteen, smoked regularly in my early twenties, less so in the middle, and starting about 2016, I smoked every single day, as many times as I could, basically. Also, consumed it, and applied it topically. 

Been continually high for several years at this point. So, things are a little emotionally fragile at this stage in the game, and y'know, it's not easy. But it is bearable. 

Yet, in the spirit of acknowledging this, and of full disclosure, and in the interest of getting it off my chest, I'm gonna steer the ole H.M.S. Factually Pointless (am I the majesty? I won't overanalyze this) into the Negative Waters that I try so hard to keep her away from. Often over the course of things, I have failed. Yes, the blog is often uplifting and affirming (kinda? I hope) but I acknowledge that sometimes I'm kind of an asshole.

Well, I'm much worse without weed. So it goes. I have mentioned that I am an alcoholic. A dude doesn't drink and smoke the way I do because they are transcendentally balanced. 

Anyway.

Just want to say that for all that I have ranted and raved and torn at the flesh of my face here in F.P. about twotter and facebork and yootoob and the other ripe devils of our shared online existence, it is nothing, nothing at all, compared to how fucking goddamn badly I FUCKING HATE TKTK. OH MY FUCKING GOD I HATE IT I hate I MOTHERFUCKING ASSPISSING SHITCOCKING HATE THE FUCK OUT OF IT OH MY GOD THE HATE IS LIKE AN ANIMAL IN MY CHEST CLAWING TO GET OUT AND THERE IS NO FUCKING RELIEF. 

Don't even know what to do with this level of hatred. Don't know where to put it. It is radioactive material and I don't even have rubber gloves to handle it with. 

Thank you. Please, convince your family and friends to stop looking at tktk. It is the worst thing that we have done to ourselves as a species in a long and brutal history of rape and genocide. I can't even be awake right now I hate tktk so fucking bad. Ok. Good night. It is not yet six p.m. Good night. More on how huge my hatred is, how it dwarfs me, pathetic mortal that I am, later. Ok. Good night. 

--JL