#15

Huh. I hadn't realized that the post numbers match the day of the month right now. What a stupid thing to notice, and to mention!

I've heard often that it's best never to let them see you're weak. In boxing and wrestling you keep your hands up and stay bouncy, making your body tell your opponent a bunch of lies because you feel perhaps the worst you've ever felt. In public, shame prevents us from breaching the social contract with our feelings, even when they are perhaps the worst ones we have ever felt, so we give every appearance, so far as this is possible, of  having a fulfilling, even bracing day, always. With lovers you tell a bunch of lies, even though you feel perhaps the worst you've ever felt. And so on.

I have found this to be terrible advice! When no one knows you're weak, no one eases up, or helps you, ever! Extremely poor life advice, unless you are a tactician. And then, it may be best modulated and put into use as "never let them see where you're actually weak."

But life has destroyed the better and most practical part of my nerves, and the only pride I have is the sort that prevents one from "being a bother", so I keep stayin' bouncy.

Today I burnt a wad of checkbooks. It was medium-satisfying.


--JL