#13

Watched part of Bruce Almighty three days ago. The meta on this thing is fucked up.

Two thousand and three! The world is incredible. As a very young man, the slightly less young men whose cultural output you watch like a hawk in order to better ruin your own twenties bewail the settling of dust upon their shining halcyon days. I mocked those men, for their puerility! My urine was a potent nigh-hydrant-force stream, my laughter strident as it reddened my cheeks, and I shaved those bad boys in under thirty-seven minutes. Now here I sit, and it has been fifteen years since Bruce Almighty hit the theaters. At last it rests upon my own tongue: the dead notes of a summerwine whose time is past, the dust of the grave commingled with the vinegar at the bottom of the glass.

A whole nation laughing at a man with a monkey up his ass. Ah, to be young!

*

My laptop's on-board keyboard has ceased communicating with my computer; not that my computer can tell! I finally had a spare minute to meander into the public library so I could uplink to a terminal and gain access to the mainframe. That's why I haven't been updating. On the first day, when hope still shone brightly, I thought to myself "perhaps I just won't post every thirteenth day. I'll be like a hotel. but with my blog. a superstition that will ensure that on the day that I die, it will be on my day off. whoa boy. let me think about other stuff, like the exact, flavorful timbre of the pain and agitation that arises when one types on a keyboard and nothing happens. let me think about that till I experience vertigo and lose all sense of time."

That paragraph was a product of not being able to type sentences for such a lengthy span! The pleasure I am deriving from this unfortunate second-party peripheral keyboard could not be more complete if it were explicitly designed to stimulate my erogenous zones--by someone who knew how to design keyboards.

So, I do not know when the next time I'll be able to post will be. The universe is unpredictable but reliably cruel, my situation precarious, and my time much demanded. But I will make efforts, do you hear, mighty efforts in order to fill the mute blankness of this text field and add my worthless din to the violent ululation that is the world wide web. I shall not burden myself with the regret of losing my daily streak so soon and so simply, but look only forward, as befits dignity. But I do apologize for these circumstances.

Hopefully by the time I write next I will, for example, have had time to finish Bruce Almighty. I didn't even get as far as Steve Carell acting like a lunatic because he's a puppet trapped in a nightmare. What a crazy guy!

Try to have fun today, everybody. Even if some asshole at the library computer area types so loud a baby starts to cry and a postdoc student drives a long steel nail into his own kneecap, such is his impotent, emasculated rage.


--JL