#104

Broke my cool yesterday. Broke out the bolds and the underlines. Haven't done that since I was a teenager.

But you know, as a diasporic minority within a minority living in Amerikkka

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Hahahaha no no I am so sorry. Oh hell, I'm sorry. I've actually said shit like that out loud before, outrageous bullshit not so different from the above--not like that, not so you could actually hear the whinepreach scratch across the inside of your skull, but I've been insufferable before, sure. I could have made that sentence much longer, I know exactly how.

It is super easy. Intoxicating, even. Isn't righteousness always such a heady brew?

So is rage! Hot tip: people can always tell your rage, no matter how polite you sound. I don't know why anyone bothers to try and kid anyone else about rage. You can hide a lot of different kinds of anger, but not rage. You can shunt your rage and hold it down, but it will always tell because it is not a thing that can be denied or mastered. On top of that, everything about the human animal is calibrated to sense rage without fail, even in writing, unless someone is legitimately not paying attention to you one iota.

Rage. Look it up! I don't know why I bothered with that whole paragraph, aside from the pleasure of typing it. The definition is really more than adequate.

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What I mean to say is, I got a real particular angle on that mess, lots of personal and specific as well as broad and general, and I still don't know shit. I'm not there, see? I was. Now, I'm not. That's reality. That's the actual point.

Go yourself, if you care so much, if you want to see for yourself and act righteously once you know for sure what to do. That's easy, right? No? I'm being unreasonable? Hyperbolic? 

You know, fuck that. You want to act righteous, be righteous, instead of just sounding good? You put your body where your mouth is. Put your fucking skin in it. That's it. No disambiguation. 

Make yourself the kind of person who can do something about situations and then go do it. If you really care about the problem, you'll think of a way to do it. If you find that you won't put in the effort, maybe you'll find you didn't care that much in the first place, and hey. Maybe that's okay, because you can't care about every little thing that happens on this planet because that will kill you. 

Find out what you truthfully and deeply care about and fix it, do it, go it, be it. You don't have to yell on the internet basically ever. I'm sorry that I did. All caps and everything. I used the caps lock key. I did. I admit this. I know I made some people feel bad, and this is something I regret deeply. I shall endeavor to ignore things that raise my blood pressure in future, rather than ragereading twitter till I can't think over the roaring. The subsequent public gnashing and howling was directed at deliberately disingenuous operators and the babblers who midlessly parrot them, not honest people searching for answers, but the thing about salvos is that they do area damage.

An alternative to screaming on the internet, which is not productive and which I apologize for, for real, and an alternative to abandoning your life to a cause that isn't yours, is to learn as much as you can about stuff you don't know about, furnishing yourself with as much raw data and differing opinion as you can find. Hopefully, enough that you become able to speak intelligently on what you do know, and clearly interpret new information. This way, you will know when you are out of your depth. This way, you stand a better chance of figuring out when someone is lying to you, or doesn't know what they're talking about.


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Alright, enough about yesterday. It is today, people! It is today.

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Well, real quick: the whole "As a ____, my impeccable opinion/special position packs about six billion cc's more hot dick that your limp whatever 'cause I was born for the Discourse, b*tch" can eat a moratorium starting several centuries ago, but these days it is a screaming plague.

For real, I'm starting to read every sentence that starts with "As a ____," in the South Park Rob Schneider Fake Trailers Voice. Can't help it. Soon I will hear it conversation, superimposed over the speaker.

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Yeah, seems like I'm having a ton of fun being negative lately. Something must be off in my diet or something. 

Truly I'm feeling quite cheerful, but every time I hit the keys the old sass just comes pouring out. In the end there's no denying that it is simply a crazy business, sitting down to type.

People like to act like the generation of the written word is some mystical sacred superego joist of civilization thing, and some of it has that in it, but all writing is instinctive and is aimed at the instincts, so really when I go about my business I'm letting out the animal inside, and just because the animal has a fanatical love of language and ideas (and how language is ideas) does not mean he wants to sip tea from fine china and wear expertly felted hats. He wants to fuck and kill like any good organism.


--JL