Listened to a record some people who were my friends and more than my friends made before I knew them. They don't know me anymore, which is a situation I created, unfairly and for no good reason.
Sometimes, when you love a lot of people very much, you rip yourself out of all of their lives because you think deep down you are a mindless, devouring cancer. Not for the first time, you try to let yourself be destroyed. Not for the first time, you are spared, and forced to face your aching memories and peer uselessly at all the unknown dead ends laid out before you, groping in the dark.
*
When their second album is finally released I will listen to it, I will buy it the day that it comes out and I will listen to it. They wrote it and hammered it out while I did my best to feed and take care of them, and then I left them alone so they could lay down track.
That was almost two years ago. Nothing is the same.
Their voices will ring out, and I will listen, and I will remember, and I hope my ungrateful heart cracks down the middle.
*
Miss them. Hurts.
--JL
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