Also, the amount of my work that I have made available for cheap or free on internet means that I am basically unpublishable, as it stands. Publishable material must be generated from scratch. Happily much is forthcoming, but still, disheartening, especially as the prevailing reasoning seems to be that all work needs to add prestige to its publisher through exclusivity, which seems to me an ungenerous way to put out art, but then, I am perhaps the furthest thing from a businessman.
Though, it is an opportunity to reformat and tweak all my old work and leave it waiting to coalesce somehow. It is an opportunity to set off to new terrains unencumbered.
Still, the main point stands: I have amounted to precious little in this world, generatively speaking.
And so what! Let it be what it is. It's all just a kick before senescence completes its unerring work.
We stick to our labor for its own sake, such as it is.
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The fuckin thing has to be like more than a hundred thousand words at least though, right? Maybe someone can find out.
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Wondering now if the answer is simply to just make a website, sit on a domain and give the shit away that way. Set up a tip jar. Fuck it, if it pays for itself and a sandwich once in awhile I'm basically one step up from where I sit now.
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Having a lot of trouble finding even the most menial of jobs. This has never happened before. Do I have to consider going back to the Chinese restaurant I worked my first job more than a decade and a half ago? I mean yes. I do. Shit is that fucked. Paranoid that I'm on some sort of blacklist.
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If it is so, let it be so. Chart the course day by day and never let the demons beat you down.
--JL
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