#303

Been avoiding writing about much that is topical in terms of world events in the blog for quite some time. Admittedly, been avoiding the blog itself for a little while, which always happens when I move. It is more difficult for me to be productive with writing when my books are not in some form of organized shape, and they are not right now, but there's lots to do each day--and I'm not the best at prioritizing my most private inner needs, even though they're essentially the most important ones. For me. But like, dishes gotta get done. Kids gotta get bussed to school, and bussed home--at least, if I want a paycheck they do. Shit needs cleaning. Etc. All that is more vital to me, these days, than virtual spaces and distant lands. Also I feel driven to record more lush memories in this space, to make it more autobiographical, though this is hard and time-consuming work.

However, I care deeply about virtual spaces and distant lands, and I do read stuff and have my considered opinions. Six years back, in the truly dark times of 2016, my addiction to information and news media of many varieties reached critical mass and I collapsed in on myself. In the time this blog has run I have practiced dipping my toes in, commenting occasionally, largely because while I was not ON twotter, I was still using. Since I quit that mess completely, it has been easier to just get the essentials and move on with my life.

This business in Ukraine is in its third month, though, and I have so many high-concept notions around it, and Russian policy in general, and multipolarity & globalization, the furthered sagas of covid, the further sagas of cryptocurrencies and non-fungible tokens, and this new Chinese autonomous ship class that went from announcement to reality in a year, business news in all its great variety--all these are things I take careful note of, and think about commensurately. So many conflicts! So much progress, and so much backwards thinking and commentary about it from so many quarters, while the real game runs faster and harder and smarter than ever before! I just drooled a tiny bit.

Whatever it is in me that cares about the big picture, about history in the distant past and history carving itself out in blood right now today and where the twain intermix in ferocious, glorious alchemy--I mean, it's an unbelievably exciting time to be alive. All that really happens in life materially, though, is gas prices are up and I have to put away some laundry. So who really cares, really, truly? I shouldn't. But I do. Is the blog better or more useful when I am writing about the complexities of the now that we share virtually, or when I am waxing philosophical and reporting on the mundane intricacies of my own quiet life?

Anyway, sometime in the next series of days I'll try to strike a balance; post something autobiographical, post something about current events, those wicked, heady current events. Past and present. Innerworld and outerworld. 

Today, I dunno. Think this is all I got today. Felt good to type it, though. 

--JL

#302

Better. Feeling, that is. A little better. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be something approaching the new 100% fitness, sans caffeine, sans anything resembling a vice except a touch of sugar once a day. Suppose some consider video games a vice, but I don't know what to say to those people except most of what you can say about video games, positive and negative, can be said about books and paintings and music and basically art in general. If, in your worldview, art is a negative, your confusion is so total that we won't be able to communicate very effectively at all. I mean, you have to suspend your morals just to use language.

Well, anyhow, I also choose to retain the right to smoke a fine cigar on occasions. 

There's a decent chance that rather than waking up fine tomorrow, I will be awoken by an awful headache which is only tolerable in one single precisely upright sitting position, with my head held at one single precise angle; any deviation from this stasis will cause stabbing, otherworldly pain. It should go away in time for me to start work, but it's not a great way to pop the cork on a day. This happened a few times last time I quit drinking coffee.

Point of quitting caffeine is to give me more time and focus in the early mornings to exercise and maybe write a little. Making coffee takes a long time, being as we hand-grind beans and use a chemex-style coffeemaker. This makes for superior coffee. However, I'm also always torn between looking for more independence and imbibing chemicals as a ritual, but right now, I'm in independence mode, and I'm sick of needing coffee, from having to make it to having to sit and drink it. Rather be doing stuff. It's just not time I want to give to a thing anymore. And the contingencies of dependency always bother me. It's the best way for me to motivate myself to stop doing something--the strategic vulnerability, the weakness of need. Can't rely on cigs for sanity buffering; can't afford it in any sense. Can't rely on caffeine for anything; gotta be able to get up and go without aid, without guaranteeing painful incapacitation if I can't for any reason get it.

Yes, the less need the better. For example, it is time to end this post, because my need for nutrition is interfering with my drive to create. And needs must, dear reader.

--JL

#301

Quit drinking coffee today. Been planning to for awhile, and now it's happening. The attendant headache has been more or less held at bay throughout the waking hours by naps, careful hydration, and pills. 

Don't have much more beyond that, because my brain is behaving more or less like a poorly fried egg. We'll try again tomorrow.

Suppose the only things of value or interest to say today are as follows:

• Was gonna buy a bicycle today, any whatever Huffy or Mongoose off the wall at the box store would have fit the bill. I didn't, though, because petition-signature-seekers in the parking lot made me so upset that I couldn't concentrate on anything. Maybe it's for the best, I don't know. 
• The Shield of Achilles is a good book so far.
• Speaking of books, I ordered a couple, published by the Santa Fe Institute. I'm excited for them. They come tomorrow. They are also concerned with history. Other stuff, too.

Alright! I'll try to do better than that tomorrow, but that was a monumental effort considering how I feel today.

Peace!

--JL

#300

Man! Dude! Dear, dear reader! The time do slip away from a man, and there can be little doubt about that, generally, I bet. Definitely for me, the only time I really felt time moved too slow, as opposed to galloping away, was during high school. High school, such torrid microwaved bull shit that nothing in my life, no matter how difficult or tragic, has ever seemed really as bad. Have worse traumas inflicted themselves upon me, before and since? Yes. Would I rather experience them again three times each than go through high school again even once? Yes. With hesitation, but yes, yes, firmly yes. 

Finished rereading Animorphs, naturally, crying by the end. Now reading The Shield of Achilles, by Philip Bobbitt. 

And that, beloved friends, is all I have time for today! More...TOMORROW!!!

Peace and war and war and peace, beautiful strangers, soldier on in the name of love.

--JL 

#299

Well, it's been a considerable interruption in factually pointless service around here. Goes like that sometimes, unavoidable this time, but I never like it. Me, I like to deliver. Yet, the conditions have to be right--not perfect, but right. My laptop got moved to the new house before I was ready to have it moved, and we didn't get internet in here till earlier this week. Didn't leap at creating this blog post first thing because:

a) it was already begun but unfinished, a state which is not the best for me--I like, whenever possible, to bang these out in one swift torrent. 

b) still working hard at learning the ins and outs of the bus driving gig, and sadly I must report that the training may have covered most of driving the actual bus and a few points of the day-to-day, but it in no way represented adequate preparation for the actual job in its detail, nuance, and code. So learning it has taken up considerable bandwidth, plus they changed my route after a week. So basically I worked two first weeks in a row.

Sidebar: the breakdown is, I love twenty percent of this new job, like/dislike fifty percent in varying measures, not sure about another twenty, and hate ten percent. Not too terrible, but don't know if I'll stay, or if I stay, whether or not I will for longer than a year.

c) there's been plenty to do about the new house and its yard. Plenty remains, of course, but we're living in it now, apartment and most everything to do with it behind us. Excelsior!

Ok. Cool. Cool. You have been reasonably updated, dear reader.

*

Wish I had more to say for this particular post. But we got Kirby: The Forgotten Land as a housewarming gift to ourselves, and really, playing that game and rereading the Animorphs books are most of what I'm up for these days. Having a house is really cool and it feels really good, especially as I'm still somewhat overwhelmed and psychically occupied by the newness and process of it all, job and house changing, life just coming at me, so I'm gonna go enjoy the peaceful, restful things. 

Peace and love, friends, and we raise a glass to posting again! It sucked to be gone most of April, but May will be fun and cool. 

--JL