#457

Took a promotion at work. Didn't really want to, but it's the done thing.

It happens to be true, and some children seem born with the wisdom to see it and the boldness to say it aloud: being a grownup in modernity sucks and the alleged perks are entirely worthless. Indeed, to grow up is to betray what is human and free in the soul, trading it for--what? For fucking nothing, that's for what. I was one of those children, but unlike Oskar Matzerath, lacked the supreme dedication to myself and my own dignity required to remain as a person ought to remain.

Well, he fucked it up anyway. Moral of the story. We merely have to do our best with our fated maturations and deal as uprightly as possible with the unremitting fruits and blooms of senescence, as well as the almighty noise and hopekilling stench of the world humans have made and which we must take part in if we profess to love any part of it, or the world over which it has laid its such deleterious dominions. 

Indeed, it is an insult to children when groups of grownups acting like grownups fuck things up and can't get things done to such a degree that they need finally rely on an adult person capable of speaking simply and honestly in the service of doing the next right thing--and then they call that person "the adult in the room", meaning that these grownups were acting like children till someone reminded them to grow up. 

Motherfuckers--no. Reassess this world and the lives that live in it. Starting with yours.

I will admit that if we must mature, and must take certain mantles upon our shoulders as our lives take us through our part in the life of the world, then we had better be adults than grownups.

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I wonder if the whole Amerinativist psychology of keeping immigrants out--a psychology that is only nurtured and fed by the powers that be until some massive project needs to get done whose human cost is astronomical, necessitating a temporary heel turn till the job's done; then we fill the moats and post the sentries again--is sustainably fed by the knowledge that this whole situation of having power over this vast territory and its resources is only possible because the people that were already living here didn't butcher the English, Spanish, and French by the individual boatload as they came, the way you kill cockroaches that come into your house.

Should they have done? I think when people act like we have to keep immigrants out, they are stating that yes, they should have. A hot take if true.

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Hm! Coming across pretty spicy today. What happened? I don't even know! None of this stuff is what I thought I was gonna write about when I approached the ole text field. Perils of the job, I guess.

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Started reading The Violent Bear it Away, by Flannery O'Connor. Been meaning to read her work for ages, but seeing Wise Blood, plus the last ten minutes or so of Wildcat, has made me eager. It is pretty awesome so far, specifically because she is a fucking amazing writer. Like touching electricity. 

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Finished Final Fantasy X (not the best playthrough I could have done and I'd like to do it again perfect relatively soon, like in the next five years [that's how this guy five-year-plans, folks--and in no other way, believe it]), started X-2 and it was good but the differences between it and the way the standard installment operate, as well as an itch to get back into Ivalice, spurred me to shelve it for now and get into FFXII: The Zodiac Age. A little over sixty hours in and I am glad I waited for this to be the version I played through. I run through this game at fast speed a lot, and I don't think I'm halfway through yet--my party is mad overleveled at 47-48 and I estimate endgame side content to push into requiring mid-80's--but what would the playtime have been on the PS2? A hundred and ten hours already, probably. As I have mentioned, Final Fantasy playthroughs can and do run into the two hundred hour range. Also it is so much more beautiful to look at and listen to and fun to play. Having a fantastic time with this one. And it has whetted my appetite for XIII! Just as soon as I finish Game of Thrones: Ivalice Edition.

That does remind me of a problem. Maybe the single greatest thing about this version of XII is the ability to have the original Japanese voice track on, rather than the English dub, a feature not available on X, X-2, or--and this is actually bad--XIII. X and X-2 have their English issues, but I can tolerate them. I absolutely loathe listening to the English voice actors for XIII talk. It made me reluctant to move the story forward. I know they worked hard and did their best. I appreciate their efforts. It fucking sucks to my ear, though, and it is next to unbearable. Shit that is dubbed is always just plain wrong, subs every day all the way, but not all dubs are created equal. Some have merit. I will try to find XIII's, but man. Not looking forward to that aspect of things.

Listening to Snow and Vanille is like a punishment. Ok? It's like getting taken out to the woodshed for a hi-test bareass beatdown. None of them are good, but those two are a punishment. Also I don't know that human bone structure actually allows for how Vanille is shaped and moves. I think she's Gumby people. She's cool though. Snow is the worst character that has ever been in a Final Fantasy; at least any one I've ever played. Just one man's fervent opinion.

I dunno though! Maybe, hearing him in Japanese, I would understand his actual thoughts and feelings even one iota, even if I could understand a lot less of what he was actually "saying". Language is crazy like that. 

Why not mute the game? Maybe you can, but you can't hear the music if you mute the game. That is always a problem, but I believe in Final Fantasy, like in Star Wars, the music is absolutely paramount, absolutely fifty percent of everything. Mileages and tolerances may vary, of course.

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Alien: Romulus was fucking INCREDIBLE. Today I will go see The Substance, which has been generating profoundly intriguing reactions and comments. Thrilling!

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It's raining, but I gotta go buy weed before I see this movie. Still not smoking cigarettes. Haven't even talked about my recent back pain, which I think is related to my promotion (amongst a host of other factors), or how Ezra and I decided to go separate rooms to help us get rid of stuff we oughta get rid of, optimize our office spaces, and do sex stuff with third parties. This post is being typed looking out of a very similar window to the last one--but on the opposite side of the house. My books and art stuff are still in the office, but my writing stuff and my completed artworks, as well as all of my my instruments and music stuff, are in what was formerly the bedroom and is now my bedroom. It's cool having my own room again. The upstairs guy! I'm into that.

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Was that too long? It took awhile. But then, it's been awhile. 

Things are always changing. Life goes and goes. What can you do?

Till next time: soon, it can be hoped. We always have the solace of hope, after all.

--JL