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Tuesday, December 17, 2024

#485

Ah! It appears, lost in contemplation and the hustle and bustle of the modern day, I missed my window to hit five hundred posts in 2024. So it goes. Perhaps it is just and meet that 2025 gets the rights to five hundred. Fives go with fives, mathematically. Fives like a five. 

Been playing tons of Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII; Reunion or however it is most proper to arrange that title. It's a real good story, real fun game. Lots of game in the crannies of it, where Final Fantasy does best, at least to me. I am such a sucker for all of their systems, though. I go hog wild, screw around in menus for hours and hours, tweaking and rebuilding everything they let me tinker with. 

*

The difficulty of finding the place between taking pride in your work and working too hard--to stay steady, excelling whenever possible, without burning out or making a tool of yourself--has always borne down hard on me in my professional life and other endeavors. All endeavors, I guess, except school, the one area in which I am gifted in the opposite sense entirely. There, I can see so clearly that pride is a false virtue, everything in front of my eyes and at my hands is total fucking bullshit, and the obvious and correct thing to do is to coast on my personal qualities in the service of doing the absolute bare minimum while devoting all my proper energies to my own ends.

Even here, athletics and music proved a weak spot. I don't especially seek out intrinsically social endeavors, but when present, I abhor not pulling my weight, and dread underperforming or quitting out. However resentfully, I am wired to put in an honest effort, because I'm not made to say that kind of fuck you to people who are engaged in something they care deeply about. I can even make myself care. Lo and behold, sometimes this praxis finds me actually caring deeply. It can become a problem, as eventually, I can care more than is strictly required or even wise. I can care so much that I quit, which, y'know. I could have saved myself a lot of time, there. But again, I am wired to earn quitting in many cases. Not all! Thank the lord. But enough.

Yet what price personal growth? 

It could probably be worked out, actually, and winced at. 

*

Real life is some fucked up shit, man. Never stops coming at you. People get covid, motherfuckers have a plan to denaturalize and deport you, other motherfuckers want to make every house in America a lethal-force compound, so like, maybe that's ok? 

Guess I'll just keep going to work and like, doing laundry and playing games and shit. Hang out with my cats. Dunno what the fuck else I'm supposed to do. 


--JL

Thursday, December 12, 2024

#484

Comin' up on it now, boi. That five hunnit. More posts will have to be written than even back in January, which holds seventeen, but fewer than in April. It looks like I wrote thirty-two posts this April? Don't even remember that. I'll go read April now.

*

Uh. Wow. Something was up. I'm not sure what! But something was fucking up April 2024. 

Blogger couldn't even show the whole month in one scroll. It's a lot of posts, sure. Some are short. But some are not short. They're fucking long!

That's my first impression. Kinda scared to actually read it.

*

Ok. I was doing a thing, a thirty-posts-for April thing. A thing that apparently helped save my life yet again. Damn. Completely forgot.

Those are some good posts. April and May may be high-water marks for the blog in some key ways.

*

Every time I consider quitting or destroying this blog I am somehow reminded that starting it saved my life, and that at various junctures in the following years, it has done so again. 

That's the kind of return on an activity that makes up for a host of costs and depravities. Makes a person almost superstitious about stopping! Haha. Ha.

*

Well, we'll see where I'm at with things once we hit 500 posts, seven years old, and six years active. New Year's, basically. 


--JL

Wednesday, December 11, 2024

#483

 Some nameless beast, some vile and base interloper (a friend) accosted me on the street like some vagrant churl to accuse me of being a bad Bat-nerd and a bad gamer--shit, if I'd managed to reproduce, my parenting skills would very probably have been raked over the coals--for not putting Batman: Arkham Asylum on my Factual Top 25 Games of All Time list.


As a person of dignity, I will tell you exactly what I said. I said that yes, Arkham Asylum was a labor of love and one of the greatest things that ever happened in my life, and also revolutionized games on many levels but especially in terms of melee combat. Rocksteady made something that I turned on and didn't turn off until I had solved every single riddle, collected every single profile, every last piece of lore--I explored and admired every last inch of that island.

was Batman, motherfucker. Started on hard mode and stayed kicking ass the entire time. Absolutely not a single detail escaped my detection.

And I am here to say that I hated that final boss fight enough to disqualify it from the list. I am not sorry and I am not taking it back.

*

Barely even wanna fucking talk about what makes me feel that way, but. But. It's bad form, bullshit really, to say something is inimical to the quality of an effort without explaining. So.

My suspicion, born of projecting my feelings and based on nothing else, is that they didn't want to stop making it any more than I wanted to stop playing it--that they knew, as I do, that the game's only true flaw was its finitude. As such, the pain worked its way into the tail end of the story, dulling their blades. The end is where many stories thrash madly anyway because endings are incredibly difficult and a truly unassailable one is rare. 

Also it may be that physical exaggerations of Joker simply set my teeth against each other and makes them spin in place. I loathe entirely that horsehit where they chop Joker's face off in the comics and he's running around with his face stapled to his skull, and consider the perverted maniac in charge of those storylines to be a fucking morlock that crawled out of the depths of the earth. So, after all that genius level shit with Mark Hamill's utterly unhinged and perfect Joker, Venom Joker, to me, was stupid, and gross, and dumb, and I stopped caring completely in that moment, plus the way you had to kill him was stupid and it took me two tries because his ferocity exceeded by far my willingness to unleash on his ass. It was a stupid ass. I hated it so much it didn't feel worth handing back to the guy, but I did, partly out of spite I guess. To see the credits and hear the music, as is traditional.

The end was also good after that. But no game on my admittedly imperfect and idiosyncratic list ever made me feel the way that boss fight did, so. My decison stands. It also stands because I am insane enough about Batman to disqualify the most singular Batman experience ever created (though I guess I barely started Arkham City or ever get a chance to play the third one) based on a what is basically totally irrelevant and certainly proportionally miniscule issue. I mean this game had no other problems, man. It is still a mystery to me how they did that good of a job. Probably all of them are crazier than I am about Batman by a startling degree, like, even the janitors and the security guys. 

*

Totally made up the scenario in the first paragraph. Been thinking about hunting down an old copy of the game and thought I'd explain why I didn't put it on the list. When I approached the text field, the hilarious conversation I might have had with a buddy if they'd read my post seemed to bloom in my mind, and I thought it would be a funny indulgence.

Now that I've explained it though...hm. Maybe I would be a better writer if I were a better liar.


--JL

Tuesday, December 10, 2024

#482

It's kind of weird to put words into this text field. I don't only mean that it's a weird thing for a weird person to do, which is true and the whole reason I do it. Nor blogging itself, that's not weird; running this type of blog, not monetized, not designed to angle for the lead in a brutal algorithmic world-race, one which openly critiques its host and its platform and the very environment in which they are set--that is weird. Weird, and indeed, pointless. 

Also it is weird--still not the main weirdness!--because who reads it? No one, basically. And I know this because it is functionally impossible to find. In fact, searching for my blog, rendered on a Google service, using the Google search engine on another person's computing device gave me no results, and the more specific and correct I made my query, the results grew sparser and lesss coherent until I gave the mechanism no choice but to show my blog, and it showed nothing instead. To be fair, it said that it "seems as though few web pages match your search". 

And that's weird too, right? First of all, I am not looking for a bunch of websites like the one I am looking for--I am fucking looking for a specific website, one which I was extremely clear about seeking. Also, even if few websites matched my search, you would think they would want you to see it, since some things are usually more desirable than no things, and being told that there 
  • are some things, but
  • I won't actually show them to you
is not only weird, but actively needling, perhaps even infuriating. Since...why? Because it is their own engine looking for their own website hosted on their own service, I damn well know they know what I'm asking about even if they're not making money from it. But steering people away from shit they can see for free seems weird, even if I can understand why you would prefer that people look at ads. So are you saying they can't--that people should not look at free content on your service, or that my writing is so objectionable that you need to bury it where no right-thinking person could even look for it where I would think to tell them to?

Guess another reason I can think they might want to bury my blog is that it is excellent food for their large language models, a vast and varied collection of word arrangements, and they wish to camouflage my uniqueness as their own as effectively as possible. But when I criticize AI, and their approach to AI, they flag the post, and never unflag it, despite my humble entreaty. So, is this the clammy hand of a shadowban?

Why flag what you won't let anyone see? That's some...I dunno. That's really something to digest.

No--at last--I mean it's weird because it's a stupid and exposing thing to do. Trying to say real shit about the world and your opinions and ideas about it could seriously get you killed out here. In this sense, perhaps my overlords and masters at Alphabet are doing me a kind of favor.

Well, guess all that is the cost of doing business. I am compelled to do it, and the fact that it might be seen as dangerous must mean that it's not useless, even if it's pointless.

Or they fucking broke their own service. Who can say.


--JL

Monday, December 9, 2024

#481

Interesting--maybe I don't really mean interesting, the way Socrates didn't really mean it when he told a motherfucker "hmm, maybe you're on to something there!"--that all types of people are adept at reducing all other types of people to the absurd, and to behave as though the people they like and admire--people like themselves in key ways, as they see it, typically--are unimpeachable zenith beings.

Not to include myself in this would be bullshit, of course. Might could even be fairly leveled that I am something of an expert, because the technique reaps incredible benefits: you settle on a moral high ground that you can live with, or try to, and you tell yourself that you have found this place to live and be due to your inherent validity and worth, and that most other ways of being are why the world goes to shit. You can see this very easily, from where you are, their venality and hubris.

Naturally, the person over there on their own moral plateau is pointing at you and making very similar noises. And it is deadly difficult to understand, harder to remember, and most grueling of all to make yourself care, in the face of what your entire lived experience tells you to the contrary, they see you as the problem and have just as much right to think so. 

If we all chose to be and live as I am--we say--there would be no such problems. Those poor wretches! They know not what they do. Those bastards! They'll be the death of us, if we don't do something.

This is such, such human all-too-human shit that I don't really know what to feel about it, honestly. Just perhaps that if we solved this riddle of perspective, collectively, we would make such a quantum leap in sociopsychic evolution that we might need a new name.

Usually what happens is war breaks out instead.

*

Ok! Now, the promised Spongebob.

*

It has been proven out over time that it is possible to animate eleven minutes of absolute perfection.

Listen to me, because I am being serious. Perfection has been achieved by our frail, nigh-doomed species: in the execution of the eleven-minute cartoon. 

In that, in so far as we have grasped theoretical mathematics, and in nothing else.

*

The eleven-minute form for the cartoon exists because it has to--but it works because it does. And in these eleven minutes, multiple teams have made multiple perfections. I can think of six perfect Adventure Time cartoons off the top of my head--selecting one that I can use as an example later--Dungeon

Band Geeks is one of a few perfect Spongebobs, and it is an exemplar of the perfect eleven minutes.

One of the particular accomplishments that takes eleven minutes into the realm of perfection is to waste absolutely no time, but rush absolutely nothing.

A particular masterclass in showcasing this property is--Dungeon! Dungeon has the sass to bring up the fact that it is going to do what it's about to do before it does it (using precious seconds! but the payoff is huge--many perfect cartoons are metareferential, including Band Geeks), and proceeds to tell three stories, each chock-full of jokes and inside jokes and clever references, great action, magic, horror, human vs. self stuff, the power of love, some other tight ideas I'm forgetting to mention. Very advanced stuff here, a sophisticated play--one of the reasons Adventure Time would still matter to a degree even if it had only made one season: that season established a huge chunk of the thesis, which is to take six or seven genres and key points of reference, explode and invert them, combine them into a surging colloid that has never been seen before and which launched a thousand toons, explored the scope, grew its garden, set things up for the future, and executed several perfect episodes right away. I mean, this is how you do it. There are many ways the whole enterprise was and continues to be completely revolutionary--more on that another time.

Band Geeks is merely a perfect story that essentially doesn't stop being funny or good even for a second, and when the real payoff hits, it's not just funny anymore, though it continues to be funny--it is a power and a glory so huge that tears may come to my eyes as I type. I can tell you that the reason I wanted to write all this in the first place is that watching Band Geeks a few days ago made me weep salt tears into my lunch and left me feeling like things were gonna be ok.

A hallmark of the perfect cartoon, this: the sneak attack, the undoing, and the sustaining.

To break it down too completely is like cutting up a chicken until there's just a pile of wet tissue, a bleached wig. There must be something left to cook, so, you know, couldn't hurt you to find a way to watch Band Geeks and determine for yourself.

I will simply say this: to take a character that you have used up to that point as a strawman, a foil, the butt of the joke and the recipient of physical and psychic slapstick, mercilessly as punching bag, portayed as a base unfortunate, sometimes outright cruel, cynical, misunderstood, arrogant, putting on of airs, apathetic, lacking in knowledge of the self--Squidward is several types of the kind of dude Jewish folks have a less-than-flattering word for all vying for primacy in his tentacled frame. His bulbous head contains multitudes of shortsighted, self-satisfied, completely ineffectual idiots.

But! He does sometimes surprise us, rising to an occasion. The end of Pizza Delivery, another perfect Spongebob relying heavily on Squidward's personality, is the outstanding example. 

To take that character and bless him with the emotional arc presented in Band Geeks is more than simply generous and clever. There is something immortalizing and sublime about redemption that fucking costs something. Boromir is one of if not my very favorite character in Lord of the Rings, which is my Favorite Thing Ever, the gleaming spire on the diadem of my obsessions, so that should communicate something about my psychology.

Squidward pays and pays, and it is rare like hen's teeth but sometimes he gets paid, even if for no other reason than the misdirected generosity of others, and because of how the creators were careful with him up to that point, because of that little bit of fresh background at the beginning of the episode that set the whole thing up, the feeling when he wins, when he wins, and they make him a nonsense song about winning just to get him the fucking win--

Yup. Just made myself cry.


--JL

Friday, December 6, 2024

#480

An observation, before we begin. Reflecting on the kinds of pressures that conspire to form the kind of writer that I am:

  • the intensity of my experiential sensorium
  • imagination as uncontrollable and feverish as to be a kind of nightmare, literally a demonic wild horse that lives in the brain, which needs to be tamed and ridden if one is to survive
  • slightly overdeveloped and definitely hyperactive language centers
  • trauma
  • the kind of introversion that suffers at the hands of merely being scrutinized by others, let alone managing interactions and relationships, but also, the kind of extroversion that makes one very interested and invested in people and their doings
  • excess of personality comorbid with delusions of grandeur, overcorrected for, constantly resurfacing, with all that entails

Does that make any sense? The above ramifies into the rest of what I make, of course, and how I am able to exist in my body and environment. Data. Love that stuff.

Anyway. Gonna save myself a big chunk of this post for to write tonight. Ezra has guests coming and I know I shall want precisely nothing to do with them even though they are perfectly fine as guests go. Just...well.

It is evergreen to say so; have done so many times under these kinds of circumstances and no doubt shall again.

See above for all required context: I'll be upstairs in my room typing. 

*

But not about Spongebob! Yeah, that has become a lie.

Look. No one can stop me. I am a cackling, demented sorcerer with no regard for human frailty. Your insane thirst to know what I was going to write about Spongebob will have to wait until next post.

Right now I have only one thing to say:


raw dogg fuxxx for cheep or freeee


--JL

Thursday, December 5, 2024

#479

There was a conceptual moment in which I wasn't sure what I would get at when I approached the text field today, so I determined that I might warm up with my most favored of fallbacks, a list. Perhaps, I thought to myself, two or even three lists might fit the bill. I think things like that because I am a pervert and a sadist and I love to make you pay for my free content.

Anyway, when I actually did start writing, the topic burst from the back of my skull and fruited, drawing nutrients from my husk with a barbaric, starveling swiftness. But, hey. Listen.

Guess what.

You're still getting the lists, baby. Strap the fuck in. That other shit will be here tomorrow.

even more fucking video games bought (I have run out of money)

Final Fantasy Pixel Remaster Collection
INSIDE

books I didn't tell you I bought or picked up off the ground because I was doing a thing, whatever

Consilience: The Unity of Knowledge by Edward O. Wilson

Wise Blood/The Violent Bear it Away/The Complete Stories by Flannery O'Connor (I went to the used bookstore specifically to give them my copy of The Violent Bear it Away I mentioned so I could knock a buck off owning this instead)

Ways of Seeing by John Berger

Of Spirit: Heidegger and the Question & The Gift of Death & Literature in Secret by Jacques Derrida (literally the same translator and everything else as my old copy of The Gift of Death, but [presumably] improved, plus of course Literature in Secret. The timing was perfect; I have lent out my old copy of The Gift of Death and need not worry that it may never return)

The Golden Pot and Other Tales by E.T.A. Hoffman, transl. Ritchie Robertson

Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon

Synthedroid Saviors by Mark Lindquist (I am a little loth to record this, since from this self-published treatise on himself on the back of his book here apparently the guy lives in my town, may be completely insufferable, and could conceivably be weird about this. Whatever though; you make something and leave it around, people find it and make an opinion. That's how art usually works and it is certainly how this stupid blog works; anybody can say whatever they want about this heaped pile of whatever I have toiled on to no profit and think whatever they want about me on that basis. This is the bargain that we strike as creators, is what I am saying, one with God and the Devil both)

Hospital Series by Amelia Rosselli

The Sociology of Philosophies: A Global Theory of Intellectual Change by Randall Collins (can you tell that he is a Harvard man? Can you tell that Harvard published this, more specifically, the Belknapp Press of Harvard University Press, Boston Massachussets, London England? I tease beacause I am literally pumped to see what this horsehit is all about)

On Freedom: Four Songs of Care and Constraint by Maggie Nelson

Magical Writing in Salasaca: Literacy and Power in Highland Ecuador by Peter Wogan

The Water Street Reader by Various (this was made by anarchists and they filled it with whatever the fuck they wanted apparently--I kept it because it contains at least one bell hooks essay, so we'll just see what else this curation packs. They obviously spent real money on it, so I suspect them to be adherents to a breed of anarchism which, hm. Anarchists with straight, white, even teeth and a unified aesthetics of tattoo; indeed, a kind of uniform in which beanies and Dockers feature prominently. This is a hypocrisy I have witnessed for so long that I am inured to its bullshit. I just get what nutrition I can and move on)

Selected Stories by Lu Hsun

IMAGINE: What America Could Be in the 21st Century by Various, edited by Maryanne Williamson (honestly don't know what I'm in for here, but I got it because basically it looks like none of these visions came to pass, zero. These authors seem as though they are optimistic, enlightened, freethinking beatificants, and what actually happened is now we live stuffed up into the leaking asshole of a rotting carcass that does not know it is dead. I thought this lozenge of completely misspent hope and vigor might be good for a laugh so bitter I could easily die from it)

it's not over yet! I fucking told you! movies I have watched since last I spoke on it

New to me:

Heretic (in theaters, brilliant, loved every minute basically)

Rewatch:

Batman Returns
Batman Forever
Batman and Robin
Jurassic Park

Honorable Television Mention: The Penguin

*

The movie list is fairly anemic because of all the screen time video games take up. Didn't feel like dragging myself into a theater for all that other new shit I was talking about; I'll get to it when I get to it, like everything else. Also Ezra and I have been watching Gotham, though it may be more explicative to say that we are exposing ourselves to the show and enduring actual mutilations at its hands in exchange for the crisp, delicious slices of powerful characterization and storytelling layered through this brutal, senseless pulping and mulching of the setting and the great majority of its inhabitants. The Riddler is thus far the only character to have gotten through this thing mostly unscathed, but we have like, two whole seasons left.

It's not that I don't like it. It's that apparently only a few of the writers and producers like me. Or were allowed to try to manifest that affection.

*

So many obsessions whirl and tumble in my brain that plenty I care deeply about may not have been revealed even in five years and damn near five hundred posts. I'd like to concentrate more on more exhaustive coverage--I mean, I mentioned recently that I am weird about Batman, and you can see I am cruising througha fresh Batman phase even now, but I realized that you, dear reader, basically would have had no idea about that before then. But I'm a nutcase about fucking Batman! Read that last sentence however you want. 

Something has to change. I need to focus around here. 

Tomorrow, we shall look at Spongebob Squarepants--specifically, Band Geeks.


--JL

Wednesday, December 4, 2024

#478

The thing that sets Halo apart from every other shooter ever produced is the actively moral and speculatively historical context the setting grants your inhabitance. They capitalized powerfully on this as they built their galaxy and its beyonds, wisely using books as the true foundation-stones. Halo runs so deep as to be profound; the accomplishments of Karen Traviss and Greg Bear in the space by themselves mark Halo fiction as essential learnings, in my opinion. I am saying please, for yourself--read their Halo trilogies. Eric Nylund is, of course, the Godfather of Halo--he wrote a genius book under the wire, and the world was improved. His subsequent contributions are also excellent, especially his biography of Vice Admiral Preston Jeremiah Cole, which was a tall fucking order and turned out to be more dope than I could have imagined.

The strength of the hook--the clean and simple moral situation which underpins every action you take--is that humanity is under threat of species genocide, and the technologically advanced beings who wish to enact that genocide are doing so on the basis of their faith. So, holy war was declared on all human persons, and whole worlds are being murdered and destroyed--their very crusts basted in fiery plasma till they are lifeless marbles. Our own Terra is under threat, and every innocent life it supports as well as its physical surface. This lets me pull the trigger without the feeling that accompanies me through most other shooters--that I not only could, but should be doing something else.*

Now, you play as a bioweapon produced at terriffying, manifold costs, encased in the most advanced piece of technology ever built by human hands, aided by an AI so powerful it is unclear exactly what her limitations might be, and all this was designed to put down insurgencies on human colonies, protecting the hegemony of the military wing of a single world government.

Well, they might have retconned the AI part a little bit. Not relevant.

So, the moral lines break along two pretty distinct, uh, perforations. Plus, war is always a complex morass of moving pieces, events interrelating, moral tensions stretching and warping at scale, and all for the highest stakes--it's why we play so many games modeled around war. The heart fairly leaps to the throat even at the concept.

The reason I bring this up is since existential threats brought about by our own machinations and behaviors don't seem to register in a way that leads us to chaging those behaviors, now would be a pretty convenient time for an exo-threat to manifest, so that, like in Halo, all peoples of every color and creed can shelve their shitty stupid ugly BULLSHIT and PULL TOGETHER for like TWENTY CONSECUTIVE GOD DAMN MINUTES so we can NOT GO EXTINCT.

Just an idle thought. Not even that invested, honestly. Shit goes extinct all the time; we're not special.

Here is a little thing I made for that humanities class, not so involved as that Marcus Aurelius "interview".

*

I often think of the Flavian Amphitheater, which I have had the great privilege of visiting in person and assessing firsthand—to have been made small by it and the weight of time and death it ensconces. It is reasonable that I should so often have cause to reminisce, since in the course of my daily life I frequently must drive past a similar man-made monument—indeed, one which takes some trouble to emulate the Colosseum: Michigan Stadium.

Due to my inborn nature, I have through care and diligence managed to avoid entering Michigan Stadium itself. Had the Flavian Amphitheater been in working order—that is to say, had it been an operational organ of state propaganda with no special historical significance—I would have avoided it as well. The scent of blood does nothing for me. Being surrounded by roaring crowds, intent on the consumption of transmitted glory, actively distresses me. Therefore the purposes of the buildings and my own are crossed—the State, in the case of Rome, and the Institute, in the case of the University of Michigan, wishes to increase its prestige through appealing to the popular appeal inherent in violent spectacle and asserted dominance, and I would like for the State, and the Institution, to apply the allocated resources for the material betterment of its protectorates instead.

Of course, I understand that my position disregards the acumen that statesmanship dictates to itself due to the pressure of a simple truth: power is maintained through visibility, and prestige has a mass psychological effect that supports and justifies that power. However much I might personally detest it and many of its corollary effects (notably, a culture of drunkenness and normalized sexual assault, to put it bluntly) the prestige that Michigan Stadium and the games played and won within it by its sports teams grants the university prestige, which translates to immediate fiscal benefit (ticket sales, apparel, etc.) and related benefits (alumni donations, corporate sponsorships, political influence) both for the institution and the city it occupies, and supports the academic endeavors it performs which I do consider worthwhile. The economic benefits of the stadium’s spectacles alone make them, in a sense, indispensable. 

It would have been worthwhile for Rome, as well. Despite its cost in blood, the psychological effect on a Roman citizen in simply entering the Colosseum—a piece of engineering entirely unprecedented in world history, in sight of a lavish viewing box in which the emperor himself could be seen and therefore shared amongst the community and tied to the event itself, witnessing feats of bloodsport on a scale that could not be rivaled—would be enormous. To view an event in the Flavian Arena would be to acknowledge one’s rightful position at the zenith of civilization.

Basic functional knowledge of the engineering at play would only heighten this sense of particularity, of being among those of a select, of transmitted glory. To see all three Greek orders on display when approaching the structure from the outside, heralded by the huge imperial statue and showcasing more statuary within the arches and above the main entrance. The organizational skill and foresight that went into the design of the seating, from crowd control to ventilation, would be evident merely from finding one’s seat and later leaving the Flavian Arena, even for a first-time attendee. To see the velarium raise and retract, the production of fresh beasts and fighters from the hidden hypogeum almost as if by magic, the thrill of a mock battle reproducing a national victory, the punitive release of a public execution—every element, every instance, every moment highlighting the power and glory of Rome. 

Similarly, knowing that Michigan Stadium is the highest-capacity and largest stadium in the United States, and even the Western Hemisphere, and ranking third worldwide, would be a point of pride and awe to any member of a stadium-filling crowd. Such a crowd would be clad head to toe to match the colors prominent in the stadium’s façade and interior, as well as across much of campus—the maize and the blue—and at various points during any given event, a song will be sung in adulation of victors, and their valiant qualities, which is understood to compass all those sporting the aforementioned colors, in celebration of a feat of physicality performed on the high-tech plastic turf of the field below, starting with the teams entering the field of play for all the world armored like gladiators to do ritualized combat. On top of all of this, before one enters the stadium, one can take in rows of arches realized in brick, which, while lacking statuary, evoke the Flavian Arena itself. 

This last point of special interest. American Neoclassicism has ever sought to borrow the grandeur of Ancient Rome and the refinement of Ancient Greece in the architectural spheres, to marry them whenever possible and to add a native touch of bleached minimalism, perhaps to do with our puritanical roots, which have proven to be so deep-sunken. In the spheres of domestic and foreign policy, too, we have emulated Greece and Rome in form and function—distinct confederations which make up a union sometimes so uneasy it must go to war with itself, and a global empire founded on military protections over economic interests fueling cultural exports. The mass psychological effect our buildings and our institutions have produced qualities in American life and political affect which could very aptly grant us the title of New Romans. And like the Ancient Romans, despite the diversity which has always been our strength, despite our great administrative abilities and renowned military power, we seem to lack that most enviable quality of Ancient Egypt: stability. Conflict, corruption, and the threat of tyranny are endemic, and it may be that we are headed towards a national collapse. 

It may be that this raising of monuments to reify ourselves, to see ourselves as somehow elevated and glorified by public violence and tribal dominance, does not after all, despite the short-terms gains, have quite the long-term effects that we should seek from our institutions and our public affairs. 

*

Guess this piece sort of pinpoints me geographically, after all this time spent standing just over to the side of that information. Whatever. Who even cares. I don't even know why I put so much effort into remaining amorphous and oblique, except that I am inclined to think of effort as virtuous and anonymity as not only safe, but courteous. I mean like who cares where we live. This is internet; we ought truck only in concepts, ideas, information; all the meatspace shit can stay in meatspace. I have always felt this way, and have resented very, very much all the importing of absolutely eschewable nonsense from physical space. It's a good reference point, and it's a good topic--but it, itself, need not exert its cruel gravities here. 

Though of course it does, and has so long that there is probably no going back. 

Eh, there's never any going back anywhere. Take a deep breath: you're not gonna take that particular one again till the universe resets and comes back around. Every moment on this merry-go-round of  existence is a brass ring you have to wait an eternity to seize again.


--JL

*like, me personally? I don't give a fuck if terrorists are doing shit in Las Vegas, or if they're doing shit in Eastern Europe, or wherever the fuck the producer of the game says terrorists come from and what they do where is terrorism or what. That's not my problem now and I don't want to make it my virtual problem, either. I don't care what mercenaries do in a desert because superpowers want to make sure petroleum flows, but we call it something else. I mean I care, but I don't want to devote my leisure time to simulating it. What is the victory in this wretched context? We get the same world we live in now, except now I have murdered hundreds and hundreds of people in its name. Wow. Fucking aspirational.

Tuesday, December 3, 2024

#477

Oh! Here's that water paper. Guess it's actually about sustainability. Lol

*

Sustainability practice refers to human behavior, individually and collectively, regarding natural resources. Resources on Earth can be loosely grouped into renewable and non-renewable resources. Technically, there is no way to practice sustainability with non-renewable resources; a resource such as petroleum, if used even conservatively over a timeline of sufficient length, will run out completely.  There is a limit to crustal nickel mining, palladium reserves, and so on. Renewable resources can be replenished, though they, too, have limits if their use or extraction is accelerated beyond the threshold of recovery. For example, lumber from trees is a renewable resource, and if harvested conservatively and replenished responsibly—if used sustainably—technically, assuming all other conditions remain stable, there is no limit to available lumber. However, pressure on available lumber could exceed rates of replenishment: human overuse and regrowth neglect might outstrip the arboreal population’s ability to replenish itself; and all other conditions realistically would not remain stable as the population dropped—the climate changing, the makeup of the soil and how much it would erode, and other factors could conceivably result in the end of trees. Groundwater is a renewable resource, replenishing itself through precipitation at recharge points, but similarly vulnerable to human pressures and changes in global condition that could render freshwater reserves depleted or unusable, due to overdrawing from reservoirs and pollution throughout the water cycle. Human beings depend on these resources for survival and the continuation of civilization, and all forms of life on the planet depend on water as well. Hence, sustainable practices regarding freshwater resources are essential for continued human activity and planetary health. 

In the U.S., agriculture is the top source of pollution in streams, the second-biggest source in wetlands, and the third in lakes (National Resources Defense Council [NRDC], 2023).  Farming livestock generates huge amounts of animal waste, with the pig factory farming industry engaging in particularly damaging methods of runoff-based disposal, especially the digging of waste pits known as lagoons, manmade pools into which fecal matter is pumped directly and which are used as fertilizer after breakdown. Pig feces are high in ammonia and bacteria-rich, and accidental spillage as well as leakage and trickle from these lagoons can contaminate the water table and infect groundwater used by nearby communities (Burkholder et al, 2007). Fertilizer from these waste pits is also contaminated with the antibiotics and hormones given to the animals, which lead to antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria and related outbreaks of disease. 

Legal protections against nonpoint pollution should be shored up and expanded within the Clean Water Act, which is weak against nonpoint pollution (World Economic Forum, 2022), and specific legislation regarding animal waste disposal should be drafted. Techniques for disposal of animal waste and its use as fertilizer, especially in the setting of a factory farm, need to be overhauled and set to specific standards. However, it is not merely enough to set a standard and enforce it; adequate funding should be provided to farms so that they are able to overhaul their existing systems without a loss. Improvement and further innovation in reducing environmental impact and water degradation should be incentivized with tax credits and grants and supported by federal research and development. The availability of these incentives would allow the protections that are put in place more likely to be complied with, to be enforced more effectively, and their violation could then more easily be prosecuted as criminally negligent. 

Per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances, known widely as PFAS, are a wide variety of chemical substances that act as environmental contaminants and take a long time to fully break down. They are widely used in the manufacture of a great variety of industrial products. These factors, taken together, mean that PFAS can be found in low concentrations in environments the world over, and in testable levels in the blood of human beings and animals (Environmental Protection Agency [EPA], 2023). Even as chemical manufacturer 3M Co. pays out a multibillion-dollar settlement to help ameliorate the costs of filtering PFAS from the nation’s water supplies (Associated Press, 2023), the potential for their further release into their environments exists all over the world in homes and businesses—in products that have not yet begun to break down, but will, as they enter our waste disposal systems or enter ecosystems as trash pollution.

The EPA, the CDC, the FDA, and the Department of Defense are working on further research regarding PFAS, their impact, and how to destroy them and safely remove them from the environment (EPA, 2023), though their strong chemical bonds make the task difficult. Beyond helping to fund these efforts and paying out lawsuits to ameliorate damages, however, companies would do better to take swift action in determining alternatives to the chemical compounds in use now in order to begin an economically sound withdrawal of PFAS from the consumer and industrial markets. 3M, for example, had determined to do so three years ago when the lawsuits came to court, and they expect to be PFAS-free by 2025 (AP, 2023). Companies could also implement something on the order of existing bottle returns or laptop-battery recycling programs with products known to release PFAS into the environment as they break down, to incentivize and assist the consumer in protecting water supplies from durable chemical contamination.

The residential spending dollar is a powerful social and economic signifier, and it is what industry and agriculture both pursue through their actions. Buying single-use plastics, such as water bottled in plastic, food containers, and other packaging has a marked effect on the direction of the economy, agricultural and industrial practices, the environment in general, and on water resources. Only five to ten percent of U.S. plastics are recycled, and recycling centers release wastewater laden with microplastics (Brown et al, 2023). The rest of the plastic waste becomes trash pollution, much of which finds its way into waterways and subsequently the ocean—eighty percent of pollution in the ocean is made up of plastics (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization [UNESCO], 2022) and is set to double from 2020 rates by 2030 (United Nations Environment Programme, 2021).

The average household cannot fully eliminate plastic in the modern world from their daily life, but everyone can minimize their consumption and maximize the responsible elimination of plastics. Replacing bottled water with a commitment to using metal or tempered glass bottles for drinking and bringing cloth or canvas bags to the supermarket—both smaller ones for loose produce and larger for the whole shopping haul—are the simplest and some of the most impactful commitments we can make as consumers to reduce single-use plastics in the consumer landscape. Making a commitment to seeking product design and packaging that minimizes plastic use or eschews it altogether is another important message we send with our dollar, whether shopping in the supermarket, online, or any other retail environment. When purchasing plastic products, looking for and favoring products marked with the EPA’s WaterSense label can help reduce the impact of the plastic on our water resources (EPA, 2023). These choices also help with the PFAS proliferation issues mentioned above.

Maximizing efficiency of use and reducing negative impact on our global water reserves is critical in ensuring continued safe and sufficient supply of drinkable and usable water for human populations and maintaining good stewardship of our planetary environment. Everything on the planet hinges on the health of our waters. In the agricultural sector, which uses and impacts more fresh water than any other, legislative and economic overhaul of accountability and support for the industry is critical if we hope to see positive and continuous change and improvement in its impact. For industry, a culture of self-policing, responsible stewardship, and Earth-first policies and services must be inculcated as an expectation and a norm in order to repair a long history of damage and move forward into a future that can avoid collapse. The residential population must take the responsibility of guiding the aforementioned sectors with the conscientious and directed use of their economic power to shape the market and reduce its biggest contribution to global pollution—the single-use plastics throwaway culture. These are only a sliver of existing challenges and potential solutions, but essential big-picture items in the move towards a sustainable future. 


Sources

Associated Press. June 22, 2023. 3M reaches $10.3 billion settlement over contamination of water systems. Retrieved June 27, 2023. https://www.npr.org/2023/06/22/1183922303/3m-reaches-10-3-billion-settlement-over-contamination-of-water-systems 

Brown, MacDonald, A., Allen, S., & Allen, D. (2023). The potential for a plastic recycling facility to release microplastic pollution and possible filtration remediation effectiveness. Journal of Hazardous Materials Advances, 10, 100309–. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.hazadv.2023.100309

Burkholder, Bob Libra, Peter Weyer, Susan Heathcote, Dana Kolpin, Peter S. Thome, & Michael Wichman. (2007). Impacts of Waste from Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations on Water Quality. Environmental Health Perspectives, 115(2), 308–312. https://doi.org/10.1289/ehp.8839

Environmental Protection Agency. Jan-Apr 2023. Retrieved June 27, 2023. https://www.epa.gov/pfas/pfas-explained, https://www.epa.gov/pfas/increasing-our-understanding-health-risks-pfas-and-how-address-them, https://www.epa.gov/watersense/how-we-use-water, https://www.epa.gov/watersense/watersense-label

Fava, Marta. May 9, 2022. Ocean plastic pollution an overview: data and statistics. Retrieved June 27, 2023. https://oceanliteracy.unesco.org/plastic-pollution-ocean/ 

Rosane, Olivia. April 4th, 2022. 50% of U.S. lakes and rivers are too polluted for swimming, fishing or drinking. Retrieved June 27, 2023. https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2022/04/50-of-u-s-lakes-and-rivers-are-too-polluted-for-swimming-fishing-drinking/ 

United Nations Environment Programme. October 21, 2021. From Pollution to Solution: A global assessment of marine litter and plastic pollution. Retrieved June 27, 2023. https://www.unep.org/resources/pollution-solution-global-assessment-marine-litter-and-plastic-pollution 

*

So, that's how I write when things are a little more technical and, shall we say, rigorous. As per the set norm, I did not reread, let alone correct.

It seems a little base to crow out the tagline for this little project on this one, for some reason, so we shall simply leave it there, dear reader. Hope this complete departure from my usual cussing and writhing served to put a little decorum on your day, you derelict heathen.


--JL

Monday, December 2, 2024

#476

A meditation: I'm weird about Stuff, stuff like, as two useful and always-perennial examples, I am capital dubya Weird about Star Wars and Batman. This is a fact so robust as to be indisputable. Other stuff too, but these are good. Zelda! Ok, I'm done.

Now. I am weird about Star Wars in my way, and older people are weird about Star Wars their way. Right? These are clear delineations. I was born in 1989. My dad did not take me to the premiere in 1977  when I was eleven, and I did not get a job at Lucasarts in 1991. Right? Some things are only possible in a certain context. Now, that old fucker has no concept what is to grow up in the nineties right alongside the Expanded Universe, devouring novels featuring Young Jedi Knights and the OG Witches of Dathomir and shit, not to mention a body of comics containing some of the best one-shot storytelling and universe-building I've read in my life--and through it all, the Star Wars Encyclopedia you keep checking out from the library nestled safely at your elbow like a fully armed and operational battle station. 

Because of this, and other similar factors, we absolutely did not see the same movie when we all went and saw The Phantom Menace. Right? That is an agreed-upon truth in this fandom. I think. It can be hard to keep track.

This is specifically to get away from saying that one of these things is better than the other, but they each have their own textures, and that texture is born from a context of a time and place and person's being-in-time-and-place. Right? Yes? We are nodding along with one another, dear reader? 

It's the same with Batman. A movie like Batman and Robin may not have made any sense to the viewing public and the critical apparatus it had the misfortune to be misapprehended by, but to the kids it was actually made for--me and the boys--well, it made us who we are. It served us on its own merits with massive aplomb, and primed us for the Nolan trilogy, which would take us from nascent pubescence through to our early twenties, and now, dudes our age are playing Batman and the Riddler. Paul Dano was also born in 1989.

I was thinking about my style of Star Wars and Batman in relation to like ancient decrepits for whom Adam West is the only "real" "real" Batman; and my father, who was old enough to take himself to Star Wars in 1977, and people like him, for which those theater experiences comprise the main of the canon. I was thinking of them with a certain tenderness because I am this way with at least one thing I am Weird about, and dear reader, you may have already identified it by its absence: Pokémon. I am a Mark I, fully first-generation, Camp of the Ancients, Grizzled Adventurer type Pokémaniac with a very specific way of doing and thinking about things; a creature very much on the order of a Sage: I may not be one of those freaks thrashing children on the global stage with my trick 'mons and my three-thousand dollar card collections--but I have been there since the beginning, and I possess much knowledge and craft that lies disused and forgotten, though no less powerful.

All this to say: kids, who are not weird, will become weird about their shit one day. That's all I was thinking about, I guess. I am kind of weird. I was also thinking a lot about the nature of time as it relates to culture and the reflective lens which bounces it all around as it distorts it, even as it creates it, and destroys it. Again, kind of weird.

*

Wrote the following as a response to a reading assignment in a class about diverse children's literature and what that is and means. A great class. She let me write however I wanted, but I didn't take enough advantage of that--except, maybe, below.

*

There may have been a time when I was having experiences that were not colored by gender expectations and my almost uniform failure to conform to them on at least some level, but I cannot remember that time. It must have been formative, though, because one of the biggest and most forward-facing facets of my experience of gender and my thoughts about gender in society has always been “is this even real? I have some serious problems with this model as presented.”

My father claims not to remember the following anecdote, but my memory is a polished scimitar and his is a moth-eaten blanket, so we’re going with my perspective. As a very young person, perhaps four years old, after a bath, I was wearing my towel up to my armpits—not around my waist as is proper for a man—and my dad asked me if I was a girl, to be wearing my towel up so high. I answered “no” mostly out reflex in response to his tone, but of course, the main effect was to make me think about the question, constantly, for the rest of my life. There are thousands of such anecdotes, featuring my father, other male progenitors, and of course, my peers. These kinds of events demand responses, and mine has typically been a measured verbal aikido: non sequiturs applied in the matter of brutally efficient transfers of kinetic energy. It may surprise some people, people who don’t grade my papers, but I’ve always been more of a “fights with words” type of individual. 

Questions about my gender and sexuality, even friendly ones, have always exerted an uncomfortable pressure on me, and to delineate a firm response has, to me, always felt like a losing position. I hate, hate, hate labels, hate being put into a box—to ask me, aggressively, to put myself into a box be a cultural norm and something that happens at least every other week and sometimes multiple times a day has made me feel and on occasion actually take the position that culture, all forms of it, and perhaps even human interaction at a base level has been a fundamental error. We should never have come down from the trees, etc. I had to settle on Queer and will defend the usage of the terms until I die because “weird person” isn’t a gender even though it’s my actual gender. But again, who gets to decide these things? Why are we all subject to some kind of shadow board, which confers legitimacy sight unseen? I understand it, like everything else on the human continuum, is decided in a discursive forum, but I find it tyrannical. I find all “nonconforming” groupthink tyrannical, and language generated by consensus one part utile, two parts ephemeral, and one part searing brand pressed into the psyche, just like straight people have. It never ceases to amaze and wound me to witness fellow queers deny legitimacy to gender identities or expressions for whatever social set of reasons happens to be important to them because they have attained some form of power thereby.

I prefer amorphous to delineated; I take the concept of a nonbinary continuum very seriously, even though I find it very comfortable and convenient to exist as a “man”, and to problematize and redefine masculinity thereby. I am a quantum liquid within and without masculinity which corrodes and nourishes at the same time. I attach no special significance to organic mechanisms except from a healthcare perspective, so primary and secondary sex characteristics cut zero ice with me as far as gender goes. Behavior as a gendered concept is frankly impenetrable as such; the scaffolding on ancient monuments whose legibility was always questionable and whose continued existence amazes me. What I like, what makes sense to me, is retaining an open conceptual space for every individual I have ever encountered and may ever encounter for them to define themselves as they are, whether they want to use one of two readymade templates on the ancient binary, or identify as a plant, winged wolf, transmasc lesbian with rolling pronouns, or radiant photonic being. Indeed, a rejection of gender altogether is relatable. To be confronted with something entirely new, something I have no interpretive toolkit for yet, that is exciting—who am I to say what a person is or isn’t? It is for them to tell me, to change their minds about it whenever they need to, and to be treated how they want to be treated around it, and to still have to live in a world where people make the case that a person is not a person unless they are a 1 or a 0 and are able to secure legal support in favor of this position to the material detriment of anyone not a 1 or 0 is frankly incredible. Like a joke, but the least funny joke imaginable.

Well, there are complementary terrible jokes involving variable melanin levels and dominant/recessive phenotypes among genetically identical organisms.  

It would be a simple matter to go on for pages and pages and still not scratch the surface of everything I want to say around this particular topic. Perhaps we have enough to go on, even though I feel I have barely communicated. So! When Aidan Became a Brother was wonderful, and as the oldest of three, the excitement around a new baby was very relatable; being a good big brother is one of the cornerstones of my identity. Older sibling is probably a better fit. Certainly, “not fitting”, even when you have a lot of sympathy and empathy and love for what you’re not fitting into, has powerful parallels with my lived experience. 

Once again, a main takeaway from “Why Are There So Few Girls in Children’s Books” revolves around the strange warping influences of economic and viability concerns around the production and dissemination of literature. Can it truly be that our fear that we will not sell enough books or that boys will somehow become illiterate as a population if we have a few more girl protagonists determines the wholly misogynistic nature of an entire publishing edifice? This is the kind of thing that sets my teeth on edge. It is absolutely fear, not function, that is the determining factor here, and that is unacceptable. We need more of everything and everyone in all literature, and that is guaranteed to strengthen literature and literacy. On this point, I am confident. The idea that more girls in literature will weaken literacy is concussed and craven.

Tate and the Pink Coat has some pretty strong ideas for creating gender-inclusive classroom spaces, and I would certainly want to utilize the kinds of aesthetics and concerns they’ve outlined in building and stocking a classroom, though I also think there is a case for retaining some “gendered” objects in order to allow for the subversion of their use. For some, expression making use of the genderedness of certain artifacts is an important avenue for selfhood, whether to their traditional ends or to the “opposite” of those ends. The important thing, I think, is the openness and support provided by the educators themselves, which ties the whole concept of physical expression together and grants the explorative aspect of interacting with the physical and social space the safety and approval that it needs in order to nourish the participants.

Three things to remember about nonconforming gender and children’s books:

They are getting easier to find, which is miraculous, but also being pushed back and even censored, which is troubling—but the reason they are being censored is they represent the potential for a radically new and more inclusive world, which is very scary for people who farm the misery generated by the world we have in order to satisfy their psychic vampirism. The books are more powerful than they are, though, and they know it.

They provide help and relief to children having experiences for which the dominant culture provides almost no handholds.

They provide a humanizing touchstone for children not having these experiences and growing up in a culture that otherwise amply rewards them for ostracizing and villainizing the children in the above bullet point. 

*

Hey, who the fuck knows. Who the fuck cares.

As before: did not reread except so far as to determine viability. And with that, RDF4CoF, or,

RAW
DOGG
FUXXX
4
CHEEP
or
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


--JL

Sunday, December 1, 2024

#475

As I fire up the text field and prepare to serve you yet another remaindered, highly constrained, tonally sculpted hunk of prose I wrote in the past for different purposes, it strikes me as an excellent insurance policy in terms of hitting five hundred posts this December. Kind of a twenty-five days of bullshit. Or! Or. A more ennobling term. Than that one. 

Have a short biography of Malcolm X.

*

Few, if any, Americans have presented history with a starker set of contradictions in their lifetimes and legacies than the man born Malcolm Little on the nineteenth of May in 1925. Malcolm X, as he is most widely known, understood, and remembered, was both an agent of change and an ever-changing, ever-moving, ever-translating individual. Born in Omaha, Nebraska to parents active in the Universal Negro Improvement Association founded by Jamaican immigrant Marcus Garvey and his former wife Amy Ashwood Garvey, Malcolm and his siblings—he was the fourth of seven—would be raised to have pride in themselves, their heritage and people, and above all to respect themselves and demand that same respect from others. Earl and Louise Little were effective in this, fending for themselves economically and instilling in their children a philosophy of self-determination. They were deeply involved in community speaking and organizing; so much so that under threat from the Ku Klux Klan they had to relocate from their Omaha home to Lansing, Michigan. The troubles continued, however; the children’s pride in their race drew attention and caused problems at school, and local White Supremacist organization the Black Legion harassed Earl and his family. Earl would die under suspicious circumstances—crushed by a streetcar on his way to collect money from folks who had purchased poultry from him, but likely assaulted elsewhere and dragged onto the tracks, leaving Louisa Helen with seven children to care for on a meager income. This pressure, combined with the certainty that her husband had been murdered by racists, resulted in her eventual mental breakdown. The children were split up and sent into the foster care system.

Young Malcolm excelled in school—in everything he put his mind to. He is remembered by his sibling as an ever-smiling, always prankish little boy. Beneath the devil-may-care attitude and sparkle, along with the brilliance and the charm, came also a certain pessimism, and a deep sensitivity that life would usually drive him to hide. As he matured, discouragement from taking more advanced and interesting courses and casual racism from his White peers troubled him and agitated his resentment more than they had as a younger student. When he shared his dream of becoming a lawyer with one of his middle school English teachers in Mason, Michigan, they told him such a dream and such a profession were unfit for a member of his race—that he might consider carpentry. Confronted with this betrayal, he saw no point in continuing with his education, his behavior worsened, and he did not enroll in high school. Now fifteen years of age in 1940, he was sent to Boston to live with his aunt in the predominantly Black neighborhood of Roxbury.

She was not able to get him to return to school. He would hold a wide variety of jobs and commit a few petty larcenies for the next seven wayward years, but the most significant part of his time in Roxbury would be the music and the fashion, for these were the years of the zoot suits and the swing and jazz explosion, the concerts that would run all night with participants dancing from the moment they hit the floor at night to well past the crack of dawn. Malcolm worked jobs with no commitment, quitting often, and concentrated on women. This lack of direction, loss of positive role models, and general descent would continue until the start of the Second World War, when he would finally work hard to keep the job the advent of war secured for him for a while—because it put him on a Pullman car with regularity and allowed him to visit New York City, and especially, Harlem. To him, the legendary neighborhood was a revelation, and a doorway to even greater pleasures. He found jobs in Harlem and began to live there, entering the criminal underworld in earnest, diving into drug dependency and surviving on the usual ever-rotating temporary jobs, supplemented by grifts, hustles, short cons, robberies, connecting johns to working girls, and bootlegging; in New York, in Boston, even back in Lansing for a brief period in which he tried and failed to get back on the straight. He feigned a kind of insanity to get himself declared 4F when the draft called him up in 1943, a tactic which proved effective, and his lifestyle—affected by the tightening economy as the war progressed—continued on this dark and tightening course until he was arrested for robbery and charged with possession of a firearm back in Roxbury, having formed a crew and betrayed them to police officers who lied to him about being charged if he gave up their names. Further betrayed in court by another of its members, a married White woman he had long carried on a romantic relationship with, Malcolm was served with the maximum possible sentence for his crimes and sent in January 1946 to Charlestown State Penitentiary, at that time the oldest continuously functioning penitentiary in the world and a place of infamously hideous conditions.

The first part of Malcolm X’s prison life is without a doubt his lowest and darkest. His rage and alienation at the method of his arrest, the procedures of his trial, and the conditions in which he now found himself were enormous and poisonous to himself and everyone around him. His prison nicknames were “The Green-Eyed Monster” and “Satan”, for the venom he gave everyone around him and the vitriol and profanity he heaped on God and religion in general. His existential disconnection from the world he had been given to live in was complete, and the pain of this absolute. While jailed and on trial, he had gotten clean, but he returned to the use of drugs and tried to be high as much as possible. His relationship with his siblings and family, which he had always tried to maintain through letters and visits and the sending of money (when possible), deteriorated. All that changed when he met and began to have conversations with John Elton Bembry, a well-read fellow convict with a sparkling intellect and will to pass down some of what he had learned to the younger Malcolm, especially the value of discipline. 

This meeting of the minds would inspire Malcolm begin to use his prison time constructively; most importantly of all, it put him on the path to an engagement with literature and reading that would reignite that old brilliance and completely transform his psychic life. He devoured nonfiction of astonishing breadth and variety: historical accounts of the U.S. slave trade and practices of chattel slavery—and slave rebellions like Nat Turner’s and Toussaint Louverture’s—the history of British and U.S. intervention in China, the Western philosophers like Herodotus, Kant, and Nietzsche, studies in spirituality, influential Black thinkers like W.E.B. DuBois. A prison debate club at his second and much more humane institution in Norfolk, to which he was transferred after his transformation, ignited his passions and increased his autodidactic fervor, causing him to sharpen a self-discipline that would become legendary. He loved the art of debate and took to it with a fierce joy, reveling in the sensation of his voice giving shape to his thoughts, developing his arguments and measuring his delivery with a percussive and melodic element influenced by his immersion in big band and bebop jazz. He read even more voraciously and brought his studies to the debate floor with scholarly precision and revolutionary interpretative fire. At this time, letters from his family and influence from members of the organization itself persuaded him slowly to declare himself a Black Muslim and a hopeful member of the Nation of Islam under the auspices of Elijah Muhammad, its spiritual leader. He began writing letters to prison officials to agitate and persuade for better conditions and more humane treatment of inmates, especially fellow Black Muslims. This was a double-edged sword, for it was seen as agitation, and it was this which both enabled him to leave prison early in 1952, and to enter the new life that had been prepared for him—and for which he had been preparing for. 

Malcolm X’s time in the Nation of Islam is both exciting and troubling. The decade leading up to the revolutionary sixties was one of fomentation and fermentation, and Malcolm X was a leading agent in this catalysis, both for the organization he chose to dedicate his life to and on the national stage. Membership in the Nation skyrocketed, he was made responsible for temples all across the Midwest and Northeast which invariably grew and grew under his leadership, and he played a singular role in the development of the self-defense branch of the Nation, the Fruit of Islam. His oratory style and the content of his speeches and sermons, while always in line with Elijah Muhammad’s teachings as a “Prophet of God Incarnate”, had a flair and cohesion that was Malcolm’s alone, and people responded passionately. While it must be acknowledged that the content of his thought and speech, influenced by his tortured path and hardened by his indoctrination, contained much that was misogynistic, antisemitic, and confrontational, it must also be acknowledged that few Black men were coming forth with the courage, directness, and indefatigability of Malcolm X in advocating for the betterment and dignity of Black people in America, and in speaking the truth about the history of the U.S.A., the evils of White Supremacy, and how these were inextricable from the societal structures and social attitudes that led to and fed the oppression and destruction of Black people in America. Where others in the Civil Rights movement advocated for integration, Malcolm advocated for separation, for Black Nationalism and the forming of separate Black-only state. Where others preached nonviolence, he stressed the importance of self-defense, of Second Amendment rights, of achieving freedom from oppression by any means necessary; a phrase which is one of his great legacies. While others indulged in what Malcolm called “pie-in-the-sky idealism” regarding the ability of White folks to alter their own society and attitudes and sought to work with White liberals, Malcolm cynically denied this ability and urged Black folks to rely on themselves, to divorce themselves from this psychological and sociological dependence on the outlook of White folks and seek autonomy. He told his audiences that Blackness was beautiful, that to wait for liberation was to waste life. Later, Malcolm would characterize himself during these times as a zombie, marching in the direction he was told to march, and say he was glad the sickness and madness of those days was behind him—but this was the time when Malcolm X established himself as a voice for Black folks, a voice which spoke more urgently and eloquently, which more clearly and directly addressed the emotions, needs, and situations of urban and inner-city Black folk than the rural folk more attuned to the message of the Reverend Martin Luther King. His thought inspired young thinkers such as Stokely Carmichael and Huey P. Newton, who would popularize many of Malcolm’s ideas further after his death. Writing of this time years later, James Baldwin had this to say of Malcolm:

What made him unfamiliar and dangerous was not his hatred for white people but his love of blacks, his apprehension of the horror of the black condition, and the reasons for it, and his determination so to work on their hearts and minds that they would be enabled to see their condition and change it themselves. 

(Baldwin 97)

Indeed, such a voice and such a mind could not be constrained by institutions like the Nation of Islam—whose higher echelons and major precepts essentially took the form a cult of personality revolving around Elijah Muhammad, and one which would turn on its favored son. 

In the early sixties, strains developed between Malcolm X, Elijah Muhammad, and the higher-ups in the Nation—around what he was saying, the attention he had garnered from the national media and the intellectual community, his interactions with men like Fidel Castro and Muhammad Ali. Ideas and opinions that began to emerge from Malcolm X almost in spite of himself that seemed to run counter to Elijah Muhammad’s party line or to his wishes; decisions made by the “Prophet”—some outright motivated out of envy for Malcolm—began to frustrate and baffle Malcolm to such a degree that he seemed unable to keep from expressing himself, even when it came to instances of Elijah Muhammad’s sexual misconduct. This culminated in a final break in 1964, followed quickly by his conversion to Sunni Islam, his delivery of his famous “The Ballot or the Bullet” speech, his Hajj to Mecca, and a tour of several African countries, and speaking engagements in France and the United Kingdom. It was in this final transformation of his life that he at last renounced the callousness and hatred that had marred his career and weighed down his spirit, embracing instead a new understanding of the world that had been revealed to him on his pilgrimage—that racism was responsible for bloodbaths and oppression all over the world and between all kinds of people, that to embrace all peoples as kin was the way to liberation. Seeing Muslims of every body type and skin color together on the Hajj in peace, community, and understanding had shown him a different path, and his experiences with leaders in the Pan-African movement led him to understand his struggles and those of Black Americans in a global framework. He began to discuss race in America not in terms of civil rights, but human rights; only in this way could international coalition-building become successful, and the United States be confronted with its racist structures and practices on the floor of the United Nations and therefore be held accountable before the world. It was this radical turn towards a more global revolution and a more global spirituality—one that may have resulted in his working more closely with the Reverend King, who was himself becoming gradually more radical and thus more likely to work with Malcolm—that became ultimately too threatening for the powers in place and for the enemies he had made in the Nation of Islam.

After returning to the United States, the threats and intimidation towards himself and his wife Betty and their children stepped up. He had funded two organizations of his own: the Muslim Mosque Inc. and the Organization of Afro-American Unity, to promote and practice Sunni Islam in the Black community and to advance the cause of Pan-Africanism, respectively. He worked tirelessly for these causes and spoke around the nation, especially at college campuses. At a speech in Manhattan’s Audubon Ballroom addressing the OAAU on February 19, 1965, he was shot and killed by three Nation of Islam assailants in one of the many assassinations that plagued the Civil Rights Movement during these years. Declassified FBI documents, including COINTELPRO papers, show categorically that both the FBI and the NYPD, both with undercover agents in place around Malcolm and around the event in question—one of whom, Ray Woodson, had categorically stated that he encouraged felonious actions under orders—knew about the timing and nature of the attack. Intent may be legally debatable, but it is undeniable that law enforcement encouraged the preconditions of the attack and then did nothing to protect him.

Malcolm X was buried days later, as el-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz.



Sources

Baldwin, James. No Name in the Street. Dial Press, 1972.

Marable, Manning. Malcolm X: A Life of Reinvention. Viking, 2011.

Jones LeRoi, Neal Larry, editors. Black Fire: An Anthology of Afro-American Writing. William Morrow, 1968.

X Malcolm, Haley Alex. The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Random House, 1965.

*

My memory of this effort, undertaken for a U.S. History from Reconstruction to Present class, is of trying to shove and hold and tuck a massive tapestry, something that might cover a whole wall, into a little rolling suitcase. There was a word limit and a page limit; broke both by as much as I felt I could reasonably ask a person to endure, which wasn't by much. I mean, when you look at how much a teacher asks you to write as formatted above, with no margins and spaces, you see precisely how little is asked for--indeed, how limiting at the outset such word barriers can be. The constraint shows, when optimally, professionally, it should never--but you can tell some parts of it are more important to me than others, and that cannot be helped.

As with the last project, my process was to review my materials, all stuff I had on hand, have my thinks, and produce most of the above in one fell swoop. This one demanded time and rewrites, though, to fit its scope. I cut a few thousand words out, stretched and moved things, fretted and clucked. Is my work at all improved when I do this? You are the expert, dear reader. Anyway, just like last post, this is what I turned in, no rewrite, no reread. RAWDOGG FUXXX 4 CHEEP OR FREE

Guess if I thought I could have gotten away with it, if I thought more than one percent of people would know who I was talking about, I might have used Malik El-Shabbazz throughout and as an intro. Another issue though is that it would have made it longer. Anyhow Malcolm X retains primacy, as names go. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel about this, or what I do feel, really. 

*

What wonders await us next time!?! Maybe a paper about water contamination? Could be anything. That sounds probable, though. Anything, though, anything is a possibility! It'll probably be the water thing. Hope your shit is tantalized because I am about to engorge your nether glands/engage canal lubrication.

With the paper about water quality. Yes.


--JL

Saturday, November 30, 2024

#474

Sometimes I want to make a post, but not necessarily write one; days when scanning in a comic seems more the thing to do, though I've yet to produce a comic I woud consider complete, or, basically, either relying on the gross lever of a writing exercise or even transplanting in outside work--today some of the material I generated for my recent classes at the community college seems ripe for the plucking to me, for some reason. I don't really know why. All I know is sometimes I want to repurpose old work just as badly as I wish to generate new stuff.

Aw, let's why not take a try at it.

*

Born the 26th of April, 121 CE, Marcus Annius Catilius Severus would live fifty-nine years, and die Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus, the fourteenth Emperor of the Romans, while on a campaign of the Marcomannic Wars, March 17th, 180 CE. Suspended outside of space and time, I have the opportunity to conduct a short interview with the man whose diary is one of the more widely read works of ancient philosophy in history.

J: You never saw yourself as a particularly gifted thinker, true?

M: When it came to mental prowess, nature did not endow me favorably. I was never mentally swift, my memory never prodigious, my gifts in understanding wisdom and applying it never considerable. If I found success in letters, in thought and deed, it was through diligence, and a love for knowledge greater than my natural ability to wield it. And to say so is probably to over-credit my account. 

J: Well, maybe. You’re saying you were never precocious, or what we might call gifted, but no one can say you’re not accomplished. Tell me about your early education.

M: I was singled out for potential Imperial ascendance in early life by Emperor Hadrian, who adopted two different men by way of singling me out; first, my intended adoptive father, then the husband of my aunt Faustina, who became my adoptive father and married me to his daughter, my cousin. This was not unusual; though sons technically automatically inherit from Imperial fathers, my son will be only the second in Imperial history to do so. Adoption is far more common, preferred as a way to make succession a matter of personal volition rather than the whim of nature. It is against my nature to offer severe personal criticisms, but Emperor Hadrian was a complex man and difficult to understand*, and I cannot say what made him pick me out of the crowd. It is not something my personal acumen distinguished me for. Hadrian made me an Equestrian at the age of six, and it was not long after that he secured for me entry into the ranks of the Salii—priests of Mars. I applied myself with vigor to the role, though, and did my best to serve as an example of piety and correctness. It was not long before I rose through the ranks and even took on the role of dismissing veterans and confirming initiates. 

J: This earned you a certain amount of censure.

M: Yes. The kinds of gossipers and hangers-on that would continue to try my patience for the rest of my life—such as the social circles around my stepmother—made mock of me, and called me prig, fastidious, prudish, over-serious. Foolishness along those lines. Small-minded people, who I should know better than to heed, but whose opinions have always plagued me nevertheless. All that I tried to do out of humility, for the common good, in the name of justice—a target for mockery and ribaldry. Being made a quaestor well before the requisite age of twenty-four only exacerbated the trend, for I will insist on taking my duties seriously, even if the rabble insists on calling me humorless.

J: In your diary—speaking with you now, my familiarity with it feels a little too personal—but, in your diary, you often admonish yourself for paying too much heed to your critics. But your biographer and contemporaries praise you for your steadfastness and unswerving nature. What I mean is that this kind of criticism bothered you, but you did not let it affect your labors or change your personality. Tell me more about your education, and how that might have set that kind of steady course for your life.

M: My grandfather, Catilius Severus, elected not to send me into public schooling, but took upon himself the expense of hiring and keeping private tutors. For this I am indebted to him, as I feel that this education suited my temperament and enabled me to adopt forms of discipline which would help me master myself and retain the outward appearance of that mastery throughout my life. Public education had suffered terribly at the hands of the decadent effects of those who saw education as a means to an end, and the teaching of philosophy and rhetoric had fallen by the wayside. My education was concentrated on these things; my tutors were Greeks and they—my painting master, Diognetus, in particular—influenced me early on to avoid taking sides in the chariot-races, cockfighting, spurious wordplay—distractions and vices, in short—and to sleep on the ground or a camp-bed with a cloak as my only covering.

J: A far cry from the habit of the average Roman of your age and class.

M: My mother even persuaded me to put a stop to it, yes. Things like this—giving in to her like that, though she was an admirable, compelling woman—bother me to no end about myself. I feel always short of the mark, always too affected by my surroundings, by the words of those who set themselves in opposition to me, by my own physical ailments. I will say that it is not enough either to earn the admiration of others, of those who would praise me for what they see as my steadfastness or any other fine quality. It would be equally unfit of me to let their praise affect me and take pleasure in their high opinion of me and of my works. I know that I can do better, that emotion holds too much sway over my character. 

J: Could it be that you take your failures—real and perceived—too much to heart?

M: If anything, not enough.

J: I think it’s commendable to aim for a discipline that aims to improve on the tendency to be “too human”, but do you ever think that the standard you set for yourself might verge on the inhuman? 

M: I like that, “too human”. No. Perhaps if I had the opportunity, as I would have wished, to live a life of pure philosophy, but as Emperor, I could be superhuman twice over and still, it would not suffice. I had to be superhuman, or at least better than I was, and failed. Rome is too human as well, and for all my efforts, she did not prosper under my reign. Wars, corruption, self-serving men—I could not stem their deleterious effects. For all that I tried to apply judiciousness in my administration, for all that I personally did in the application of justice—

J: You spent an astonishing amount of time and effort on the practice of law and in dispensing judgment, and contemporary legal thinkers commend you widely for your efforts.

M: It served its purpose per each individual instance, but it did not make Rome better. It did not make the Senate nobler or more disposed to prudence, less self-serving and given to backbiting and conspicuous flaunting of wealth; perhaps I even coddled them, for want of distancing myself from the ways of tyrant, which I abhor. But neither could I make the changes in the law that I would have liked to, and my setting of precedence did not carry the necessary weight.   

J: Maybe no man, not even the emperor, had the power to do that, or ever could. We’ll talk about it again in a little bit. Returning to your youth: you had some health problems even then, but you loved wrestling, boxing, hunting.

M: Yes, I did. Much as in pursuits of the mind, I was able, even, through strenuous effort and discipline, able to make the most of my limited gifts, but my body and the physical temper with which I have lived tend to pain and paucity, and I shamefully had to give way to my natural frailties. Perhaps the stresses of high office exacerbated the problem. My physician, Galen, whose skills and wisdom have rightly become legendary, made prescriptions for me over the years, but he could not change the essentialities: I am a night owl, where most of my countrymen are early birds; I tend to problems of the stomach, which releases blood that I must spit, and my poor appetite prevents me from attending sufficiently to my diet; and I suffer from pains in the joints and throughout the body which it is difficult to find relief from. 

J: Yet it doesn’t seem to have dulled your mind or prevented you from doing your duty.

M: Indeed, the mind must master the body. Pain is part of living, part of having a body. Suffering is to be expected and accepted. It should not serve as an excuse to shirk one’s duty, to hold back from what is best in us and allow ourselves to be prevented from reaching our fullest potential. If we think of pain as natural, and do not shrink from it, and of suffering as well, we are able to take it in our stride.

J: So, pain and suffering don’t prevent us from living our best lives.

M: On the contrary, they are part of our best lives. Their place in our lives is like our place in the universe: what seems evil or outrageous or misallocated only seems so from a narrow perspective, blinkered and fettered by too much closeness. When seen from above, when granted perspective, good and evil vanishes, the more so a good and evil based on shrinking from pain and pursuing pleasure. A person that seems evil is part of a greater design, which integrates that person into a larger perfection. Nothing is wasted in nature.

J: Elaborate on that point. 

M: You can see it in flesh, in stone, in dust, in all that is and all that perishes. Everything disintegrates only to come together again in a new form. Everything that makes us up, our bones and organs, will pass away and become something else. Something to remember, if one is needled by impatience with passing time or annoying people—that all passes in an instant, and change is the great constant in nature. 

J: Circling back around to your talent as a thinker. I know you wrote your thoughts to yourself, without the intention of publishing them widely. Tell me a little about the actual purpose.

M: My papers were an exercise. A way to work out my feelings and translate the work of the writers and thinkers that came before me, and the lessons of my tutors, into a simple reflection or admonition that I could use in that moment. The process was helpful.

J: I think that element of them, their simplicity, the aim of condensing received wisdom, and the sense of processing, is something the reader can undergo with you. You regretted not being able to practice philosophy, yet your Meditations have influenced philosophy and the works and lives of thinkers and doers for centuries. You don’t have to say anything about it, I know there’s not much to say that wouldn’t ring badly in our ears.

M: Thank you.

J: Now, I’m going to say some things about the Roman Empire, and I’d like to have your thoughts and feelings about my statements and their implications. So: The Roman Empire can be understood as an empire of conquest, and its economy largely definable as a command economy; that is, weak in market and trade, focused overwhelmingly on land, and dependent on slave labor. This dependence hinders technological development; despite Roman advances in engineering and municipal construction and planning, farming technology remained largely unchanged for essentially the duration of the republic and empire. From my perspective and that of my contemporaries, it is a weak economy, and there is much to mark it as an “underdeveloped” state. A huge population—maybe as much as one million, two hundred thousand people, and almost all of them poor, many slaves. Yet, the senatorial class, which of course you were born to, are some of the wealthiest individuals in the history of the world, possessing almost all the wealth in Rome and many properties each—and there were roughly six hundred of you. The scale of this kind of fiscal and social stratification is almost unique in world history. Does this strike you as just or right?

M: I have said already that nature is what determines the fitness of things and their place in the world. I may resent my class for their personal qualities, I may wish that their extravagance and consumption could be corralled, and I certainly rue any cruelty from master to slave—but nature determines birth, and we must operate in the station we were born to. To refuse is to defy nature and to defy your own nature. But I worked towards manumission, wherever I could, whenever the cases presented themselves, and I tried to select upstanding men as city councilors. As for the economy, I wish I could have done more. I tried to ameliorate certain things where I could…revaluing the currency, adding silver weight to the sesterce…But to change everything, the dependence on slaves, the agrarian values of the people, the culture…and of course, the wars had to be paid for, if they were to be fought, and because of all the rest, they had to be fought. I had to lighten the sesterce again. To be the emperor was not to rule a household or master oneself. It was to ride on the back of a beast so vast that your efforts to steer could only ever be suggestions, a beast which needed you atop its back, needed the reins, but was in truth ruled by its appetites. It did not know what was best for it. Worse emperors than I went mad trying to have the power their names indicated, or used to fear to try to get it, but it amounted to the same—sometimes the empire prospered in certain ways under the madmen. They called me a philosopher, but the plagues, the dissolution of our borders, the gap between the wealthy and the poor, the corruption, the wars, the cacophony; it all corroded away at our world, and I could not put a stop to it. All I could do was rule as I saw fit and try to be as virtuous and judicious as my role allowed. I would rather it had gone to other men. Antoninus Pius, who ruled before me for many years, was a better man than I, a model I always remembered in reverence, could not help but hand me an empire beset with difficulties which fell to me, and my son—who I ruled with for three years, trying to prepare him—was not the man I hoped he would be. But such is life, and it falls to us to bear its pains and disappointments with equanimity. Rome was not what you and I, bound by our limitations and frustrations, might have wished it to be, but it was as the universe intended. Some people exist as examples, or stories, that others might learn from them what happens when one is rash, or a brute, or suffers from some other form of intemperance or evil. And it is they who suffer most from it. So it may be for nations as well. Perhaps we all live as stepping-stones.

J: Thank you. That was illuminating. I think that’s all the time I have. And I want to thank you again for talking with me.

M: It is always good to have an opportunity to speak honestly and plainly. 

*

So, that was what I generated for a term paper in a humanities class. I reread The Meditations and played around in a bunch of biographies of Marcus Aurelius--Frank McLynn's Marcus Aurelius: A Life and a textbook-style affair titled A Companion to Marcus Aurelius--and Mary Beard's SPQR. Drank deep of these droughts, let them ferment awhile, and wrote the above all in one wallop--much in the matter of a post. So it works as post that way; it falls within "the rules". Honestly not bad as thought experiment. Obviously I put as much of myself into my rendition of Marcus Aurelius as I could, while trying my absolute damnedest to express him as I felt him through his work, his echo in this world.

Would have written it differently if I had performed the exercise right into this text field. Obviously this whole playacting is a vehicle for specific information that had to be in there. But I remember it being pleasurable to write, and share with a class and a teacher who enjoyed it. 

That kind of stuff if the most alright part of school. I can admit this.

Anyway, whatever, hitting post now, no reread, raw doggin balls out for dirt cheep FUX


--JL

McLynn, Frank. Marcus Aurelius : A Life, Da Capo Press, 2009. ProQuest Ebook Central, https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/washtenaw-ebooks/detail.action?docID=625138.

A Companion to Marcus Aurelius, edited by Ackeren, Marcel van, John Wiley & Sons, Incorporated, 2012. ProQuest Ebook Central, https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/washtenaw-ebooks/detail.action?docID=877204.

Beard, Mary.  SPQR : a history of ancient Rome,  Liveright Publishing Corporation, a Division of W.W. Norton & Company New York , 2015