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Tuesday, August 29, 2023

#344

Keep coming back to it these days, so I might as well write it down. Elaborately optimize it. Trick it out, even. 

So, it can take place in a bus, since I know how to drive one, and why shouldn't I one day get my hands on one and cock it up to run on, I dunno, momentum. How's that for an optimized fantasy. My bus runs on its own momentum, and generates starting energy and impulse from running a charge sent from a switch connected to a bundle of 5-cell batteries powering electromagnets in the wheel wells and a mechanical man under the hood. It is this man who starts the engine, using a furnace that burns clean and runs on his own good cheer even as he does, and is never in short supply.

Ok. The bus runs. Silently. Maybe, sometimes, when everything and everyone is quiet, you might become aware of a nearly silent, humming grumble. And it plays this playlist I've been working on, and whatever else anybody wants to play no hassle, high quality sound. We'll call the bus Mighty Jake III.

All the highways and byways are empty of other vehicles. It's just our bus. The fields and towns and cities of the land remain populated, but only we drive. The transit is, as it were, sublimated. Otherwise it's all the same. Perhaps the empty highways are only an illusion, but we do not trouble ourselves about that, or about anything. The rest stops serve food as homemade and good as the diners, which use organic ingredients worked on by happy cooks well-paid and treated with dignity. Everywhere we go, we are treated with dignity, and treat everyone we meet with dignity. Everybody has enough money. Everybody's bills are paid. Nobody's got somebody back home who's laid up sick. Everything's tranquil.

MJIII's passenger area doesn't have to conform to safety standards or the rules of dimensional space, so usually it's sized more like a big van, everyone sitting comfortably, but not as comfortably as, say, in a given living room. The conditions and particular sensations need not be uncomfortable physically but adhered to; the body's sense that transit is happening, that everyone is closer together with fewer avenues of movement than they would be in most other contexts. But it's hammocks, it's beanbags, it's what you most need and the most you can get. When it's time for sleep, when some privacy is what's needed, the passenger area can be much bigger on the inside, TARDIS style. Need a shower? Not while the bus is moving, but whenever else, along with getting some laundry done. 

It begins with just me, rolling out in Jake all by myself. After I back the thing into the street, I open the door for Ezra and the cats, who live in a large, enriched section which travels with us without moving, MJIII's own extradimensional top deck. Ezra, looking forward to meeting everyone and introducing me to everyone, for that is the project--gathering the scattered handful of friends and family scattered through time and space whose faces we have not looked upon in for too long a spell, those whom we cherish no matter how long we must miss them. 

Boston, Philadelphia, Baltimore, Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago, Denver, Miami, NYC, and that's just the big ones and that's just for starters. We have stops in Canada, Great Britain, Spain, Italy, Russia, China, and Japan, We have stops in Nairobi and Baghdad and Warsaw and Istanbul. 

After that it's just terribly personal invented dialogues concerning pieces of music and thoughts about life, an imaginary communion. Maybe someday I'll write it down, maybe as itself, maybe as something some characters are chewing on together. I'll try to make them beautiful, because in my mind, it is so beautiful, driving a pretend vehicle while I talk to absent friends and the dearly departed about what I really want them to hear, what I would give to relish in hearing them say.

*

Hey! Hop in. That all you're bringing? No, my dear, my darling--like our hearts, like our love, like our crazy-ass heads, this bug's bigger on the inside. 


--JL

Saturday, August 26, 2023

#343

Ah, 343! Faithful, longtime readers--as opposed to you malodorous, scrambling NOOBS--welcome--will know how I feel about numbers like 343. You TINY NOOBLETS, slimy with amniotic fluids and slippery with vernix, would do well to peruse the archives, but I'll let you in on it here: I like numbers that are symmetrical, numbers that are palindromes. I like the numbers 11 and 7, and their combinations. I like numbers whose digits add up to another cool number--in this case, 10. Also, 343 Industries has made or helped make the best Halo games, so, y'know, hooray for today, and a tip of the pen to them. It may be true that they have also made some Halo games that are not so good, but that there are two sides to everything is part of the point of this paragraph. So there you have...that.

Most importantly and specially, at least as far as this blog and its author are concerned, this post is the one in which I get to announce to you all that I have at last, at long last, completed my next book, which I have so often stated was very nearly done. The case was simply that the completion of it was impossible until this last month and particularly these past couple of weeks, which have seen a galavanization unto finishing, editing, and creating the book, leaving me exhausted and delirious. 

Always I consciously forget--but apparently, my body does not--how profoundly exhausting, how great the physical and spiritual cost is for the conduit in order for me to finish a book. 

But that matters not! My new book, The Tetrahedron: Three Forms Towards a Complex Philosophy of Infinity is done, past the review process, and in the publishing process. The kindle version is already live, the paperback should be available for purchase, and soon, dear reader, you shall be able to hold it in your hands, read the words inside of it, and hate me for the rest of your life. That last bit is just a fear, not a design feature. Yet if it must be, it must be. Crammed full of my latest concepts and oldest obsessions, exhibiting the greatest scope and degree of my powers, The Tetrahedron is on some fucked up shit. Do give it a whirl.

If you are one of the strange few who enjoys it when I wax philosophical or make bold assertions in the blog, you will be well-rewarded. I believe I prove very handily that I keep the really good shit for the paying customers. It makes a good start. 


--JL

Tuesday, August 22, 2023

#342

Should I just write about my desk? Describe the desk itself in detail, the contents of its drawers, the geography of objects upon its surface? Factually Pointless, the blog in which Joseph Lidd describes his immediate surroundings in laborious and unnecessary--yet to his own mind, vastly incomplete!--detail.

They say that the devil is in the details, while God is present in the sweeping picture. A revelatory piece of wisdom which I have not made up my mind on; my operating parameters for being-in-the-world tend to be very apt to oscillate between the coarse grain and the fine in all things, so my predilection for details is always tempered and sometimes hampered by my adoration of the sweeping picture, and vice versa. 

Maybe we all have this condition, to some degree. I have known men I thought to be careless in the extreme when it comes to the attention to detail required to possess what I think of as a nuanced understanding of the world and the self which navigates the world, and their big-picture thinking was none too inspired, either. Further exposure revealed their attention to detail broad, deep, and almost manic when it came to fixing up and tooling out their car, with impressive results. There are many dimensions to every life, varying in size, vibrancy, and gravitational presence. 

Anyway, my desk. Strap in.

*

Made of a darkish, heavy wood, stained deep brown, it's about five feet wide and not quite two feet deep. Not perfectly rectangular, the surface bulges smoothly towards the front, and bulges and curves at the front corners. The top stands on two thick pillars comprised of the cabinetry; three drawers on either side, the lowest the deepest, the highest the shallowest. There is a middle drawer in between them below the top, just above where the sitter's legs go, between the other drawers. The handles are wood with a metal core. There is an ornate symmetrical inset of a stoppered decanter of some kind framed in vines, leaves, and flowers in paler wood, very faded and darkened, on the front of the middle drawer. The surface is much scored and faded, though still quite smooth and some time away from splintering. 

The right-hand bottom drawer holds completed works of mine that exist in looseleaf or stapled form only due to format considerations, as well as collected laser-printed poems and short works I have been taught with or I have used to teach. Also, fully inscribed notebooks and composition books, every page filled or used to satisfaction. As recently as yesterday this drawer may have also come to house a gift I received from an old friend of mine, a gift of special dried fungi.

Above that, the drawer holds partially filled or new notebooks and composition books, waiting for their time in the sun and subsequently sequestration one level below. Above that is the pencil, eraser, and colored pencil drawer, grouped in a metal divider by category and level of use. New Wood Pencils, In Process Wood Pencils, Colored Pencils, Mechanical Pencils (lead no finer than .7 mm), Erases & Utility Razors & Retired Pencils. There is also a pencil sharpener tossed in with the New Pencils, and a high-quality pair of scissors (gray, Fiskars, titanium) in front of the divider.

On the opposite side, the top drawer is given to pens and sundry tools. A calligraphy pen set, many ballpoints, a brush pen, Sharpie markers, a dry-erase. A collection of paintbrushes, mostly very fine-sized. My old-ass iPod I don't have the heart to get rid of, a USB computer mouse, a wireless computer mouse, my collection of flash drives, several drafting compasses, some random stickers I haven't found a place for, and some Champion pins from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild in a little pouch I got from a pipe case I once bought.

Below that, my collection of bookmarks, which contains examples of such variety as to satisfy any predilection I might have, to suit more or less any book that I might get my hands on. Pinky-sized to postcard-sized, in metal, plastic, leather, cloth, laminated cross-stitch, made from scratch, specially designed--I got a lot of 'em, folks. This drawer also contains wooden and plastic drafting and regular rulers, and drafting templated with like the shapes all in 'em. Think I described them pretty well last time I detailed my desk. 

Bottom drawer on the left side contains loose notes in a yellow mailer which comprise seed material for a lot of future or never-to-be projects. Basically it's an envelope containing chicken scratch on torn paper. This drawer also contains fully used-up notebooks; actually, the bulk of them. It always catches me off-guard, how much nonsense and babble I have actually set to paper in this life. And to be published, to be shown, only a light skimming of the cream off the top; the rest, between me, God, fire, dust, the digital aether, and the landfill.

Finally the middle drawer contains life documents, stuff the government needs, medical shit, whetever. That drawer bores the shit out of me and I actually hate it. This aspect of me is well-known and documented. 

Arrayed on the desktop, at my right hand on the edge sits a planter gifted to me by a friend in which I never planted anything, but which holds a currently full mason jar of water, a paper bag with some trash and part of an eighth of weed, and this silly pencil case, a big soft printed school bus riding around a bunch of Marvel superheroes who are very dangerously sticking their recognizable torsos out the windows, setting a hell of bad example. Next to the case is a thing that came with my bike locks for securing them to the bicycle (I do not do this; if I plan to stop somewhere on a ride or am conducting routine business travel I equip my small Osprey camping backpack I got from my dad with the locks and all other necessaries, like a bandanna for wiping off sweat and keys and stuff), the electronic key for our van, a black Bic lighter, my currently empty Field Museum Sue coffee mug from the nineties, a tube of black acrylic paint, a loose zipper bit from my Zelda messnger bag, a roll of scotch tape, a stud finder, recently decomissioned metal keys, a 5/8 angled shiny blue painbrush, a roll of mounting tape, a plastic tray which is actually part of the package for the tape I am repurposing as a painter's palette, and a fragment of a Japanese poem written in Chinese translated by Burton Watson I hand-transcribed in green marker pen, by Isonokamu no Yakatsugu, called The Small Hills:

*

"Hills beneath Heaven;

On the broad earth, trees--

These things that the small man spurns

The wise shall nourish.

Though I want in the states of distress

How should I decline the defenses of virtue?"

*

My laptop rests on a tower comprised of a Thumler's Tumbler Rock Polisher box, with everything in it--my younger brother's old workhorse. I tried to tumble some of my collection, given that my mom wanted the thing out of her basement and I had it around, but the belt that the tumbler needs to run snapped, rendering it all something of a pointless mess. I guess the rocks got a washing, which isn't all bad. On top of that is a thick red plastic tray used to contain the tumbler in operation, and on that I have a huge boxing book and book of myths and legends from around the world, both very large in surface area and not too thick, together adding a crucial inch while maintaining perfect stability. Then the heat tray on which I rest my laptop, which apart from dissipating heat puts the laptop at a slight angle, better for typing. My elbows are bent to the perfect angle, my forearms perfectly perpendicular to the ground. It works, basically. 

Left of the work tower, the partially-filled and empty notebooks I mean to make use of during this next semester. In front of them, a currently empty hot/cold thermos with a school bus print I got as an appreciation gift from a parent. To the left of all that, flush against the left-side edge, a barely-functioning typewriter not currently loaded with a roll, stored in its large faded tan case. The case provides an altar for my reference materials: Complete William Shakespeare, on which is perched my New American New Catholic Bible, and next to them, my three dictionaries. At the moment, on top of my dictionaries I have my current reading material and a little sheaf of art that I mean to hang up in the office soon. 

*

Well, that was illuminating, yes? I guess I could mention that the carpet is thick, gray speckled with brown and black, not really to my taste, and the walls are, annoyingly, sponge-painted. Say-lah-vee. 

Time to set the day in motion, motherfuckers, and may the Lord be with us all. 


--JL

Saturday, August 19, 2023

#341

Being in my office has finally started to truly come together, after a a rather dragging and interrupted year-plus of trying to make it a workable creative space and also my bookroom. About three weeks ago I finally sorted, incorporated, and piled the influx from the librarian/coworker bequest, put a bunch of loose and boxed printed material (official documents, liner notes and art insets from CD jewel cases, DVD cover inserts, schoolwork and materials, bus driver documents, miscellany) in some organizers salvaged from my parent's garage, put up some overdue art on the diagonal parts of the ceiling and painted the beginning stages of a mural on the horizontal part of the ceiling. Also tidied my desk and the whole area, have settled on a nice spread for my rock collection, and have made a pile of things on which to place my laptop so I could dispense with a chair and move into a "type standing up" phase in my career. It seems a logical step for many reasons, not least the clear posture progression: early typings taking place lying in bed, knees drawn up, head propped up on a pillow folded in half, laptop supported on my lower abdomen and leaned against my thighs; my twenties and leading up to now typically sitting at a variety of desks and tables, upon a variety of chairs and stools; and now I stand, surrounded on all four sides by shelves and piles of books, and by art on the walls and ceiling that, at the moment, is comprised purely of pieces painted either by Ezra or myself, and in one case, a collaboration.

Behind me on my left-hand side is the case largely devoted to fairly tall, middle-to-regular thick paperback novels by a variety of authors from a variety of backgrounds, as well as all my books in Spanish ranged from the left of the bottom shelf. Those number twenty-seven, minus a couple I keep on a different shelf; the aforementioned rest of the shelf is comprised of as disparate examples as the following few favorites: We Need New Names, by NoViolet Bulawayo, Haunted, by Chuck Palahniuk, and The Demon, by Hubert Selby Jr., and a few which I have yet to read: Geek Love, by Katherine Dunn, Waiting, by Ha Jin, and Vain Art of the Fugue, by Demitru Tsepeneag. On top of this shelf, a beautifully colored and executed semirealist ceramic lilypad with a frog on it, by Ezra, and four stuffed Jurassic Park dinosaurs from the 1995 Lost World run of merch--my velociraptor Claws which I have had since my grandmother bought him at a Kroger for me in that perfect midnineties, and the Stegosaurus, the Pachycephalosaurus, and the Tyrannosaurus, obtained as a birthday/Christmas gift to me by Ezra. 

Above those, on the shelf set into the wall, is my complete Animorphs collection, my picture of my middle brother and I as children, and in the corner facing out, All Colour but the Black, the Bleach art book. Above the Animorphs books, on the flat wall, a painting by Ira and myself in acryilics and watercolors. On that same self stretching across the left-hand wall is my Bleach collection, my One-Punch Man up through volume 15, my Zelda mangas, the Templar, Arizona books by Iron Spike, Adventure Time's Marceline and the Scream Queens by Meredith Gran et al, random assortment of comic books, a couple Pokémon mangas, and at the end, the Penguin Classics collection No. 22 of short works by a wide variety of authors and thinkers. 

Returning to the rear left-hand corner back at ground level are the four plastic drawers in which printed material is sorted and stored, atop which is stacked some unsorted material and art objects crafted by Ezra. A wooden frame from an old mirror I salvaged from the apartment I lived alone at before Ezra moved in with me--I used a camping knife given to me by a previous parter to work loose and disponse with the staples that held a rotting board backing to the frame, not without an immature and unenjoyable pleasure in misusing that tool, laden as it was with memory and meaning--is propped in front of a door set into the left-hand wall that leads into a crawlspace. In the mirror frame, in front of the white-painted door, hangs a thrifted scroll with inks of three goldfish derived from a Chinese style, hard to say which, hard to say the provenance, but a nice picture and a nice texture on the material of the scroll, which cost a dollar. Hung on the extreme ledge of the ornately carved top of the frame is my old censorship bookbag, with like banned books printed on it in Courier and the other side is the same print but redacted. I'm a big fan of censorship in that it generates reading lists that are either interesting to pursue or hysterically funny. The destruction of history and the ability to persecute private citizens for what they read or have around to read is less good, but omelettes require the breaking of eggs, as I am sure we all understand and is definitely revelant. 

Censorship bad. Just to be clear. Sometimes I do fail to understand how heavily I cloak my irony. This is already a digression, and no place for further elaboration, but as always in our modern times the question of the censorship of hate speech as a necessary exemption hangs over the question of censorship and free speech in general. My take is many takes, originating from many places and making use of different rhetroical leverage and thrust. In another time or place, dear reader, I will say more.

Moving on to the shelving along the left-hand wall at ground level, we have a small shelf extremely laden with art books, comic anthologies and collections, oversize comic novellas and novels, the three Dark Horse Zelda hardcover lore books, and photo essays, topped with and supporting a leaning pile of children's books large, small, in-between, and eclectic in as many other ways as I have been able to manage as well.

Built-in shelves are a feature of this bookroom, and the small shelf of children's lit and art is flush against the one on the left-hand wall. From top to bottom I have my Russians in fiction, my Germans and Central Europeans in fiction, books about writing and grammar, collections and anthologies in hardcover and large paperback--fiction, myth, and nonfiction. The adjacent shelf going towards the front wall is topped with more comics in volumes, anthologies, and collections, graphic novels, and art books. Beaneath them, large paperback fiction and hardcover fiction--as varied a bunch as in the first described shelf.  

Above it all, on the diagonal part of the ceiling, a painting by Ezra done on one of the large rectangular panels of the carboard box that held the mattress I bought that we both sleep on to this day. I love this painting, and it is one of the rescues I keep in my office. Ezra has his share of pictures and paintings I have made which I would sooner see destroyed; so it goes. 

Facing me now, the wall with the window in it. On the left, continuing the clockwise circuit we have been describing, is the shelf for science-fiction and fantasy, especially in series and collections--Redwall, Halo, Star Wars, Song of Ice and Fire, Narnia, Dark Materials, Gormenghast, fairy tale and folktale collections, themed sci-fi/fantasy anthologies, etc. 

The middle shelf, spanning the width of the window, is inbuilt, and on the top is my chess set, some old trumpet mouthpieces, a ceramic teacup my brother--the same one from the picture--made, broken, a beautiful clean break that lets the part with the handle stand freely and hold four marbles, and the smaller fraction with its lip tucked under the larger part's bulge and its own bulge curving proudly. Atop the cardboard box which contains my chess set is my silver cross, an old White Pearl eraser, and two little pouches with some stuff from my baptism in them. A wooden stake wrapped in a length of velvet cloth. Four bottle caps. The surrogate ring, part of a set Ezra and I use in lieu of possessing our own wedding rings. A tarnished old silver spoon. A kind of bowl with a kind of flaring lip that bulges and folds to make an inset edge, which makes it an incredible ashtray. It's light green and made by Ezra, and there's a bit of ash and a roach in it now. My ocarina, a replica of the Ocarina of Time, though a small and limited one--used to have a larger Ocarina of Time with a second octave, but it was broken on one of the many journeys I risked it on. Such is fate. The rest is the rock collection I mentioned. Humble nothings, notable only in the brief narratives describing how they were acquired, but each little piece of the world gathered there brings me great happiness.

Books ensconced below this powerful array of spells and tokens live in the Golden Temple. They are the only section in which everything kept in it is a book I have read at least once, with the exception of one or two books kept there because they are recent additions to round out a particular author's ouvre. Most of them have been read many times. For the rest of the library, the range of the read-to-unread ratio for the rest of the below-top bookshelf (which is also almost exclusively comprised of read and reread material) bookshelves goes from about 60 to 85 percent read. The Golden Palace shelf houses my Hebrew Bible translated by Robert Alter, all my Le Guin, my Calvino, my Murakami; all my Tolkien and Nietzsche and Salinger, my Kierkegaard, my nonfiction Baldwin; my beastiaries, several histories broad and specific, a few biographies, many novels, cycles--The Chronicles of Prydain, The Time Quartet, Out of the Silent Planet, to name a couple--collections of short works, of essays, of theology, of comparative mythology, of spirituality, and a book of its own genre and sort, The Art of Looking Sideways. On a technicality, here we we will profit by skipping ahead to the wall-inset tall shelf on the right-hand side, where I have further large and even complete collections of Golden Palace novelists and poets: Jerry Spinelli, Richard Bach, Roald Dahl, Richard Brautigan, Charles Bukowski, Kurt Vonnegut, Michael Crichton, John Steinbeck, and Charles Dickens. Also below them on the right hand-wall is the nearly-complete Stephen King collection shelf, which must certainly represent Golden Palace devotion.

On the right of the window, the shelf is devoted to the smaller paperbacks. From thin to thick, the main consideration here is that the book not be too tall. It fits quite a lot of books, exhibiting a great variety of provenance. Atop this shelf is a beautiful framed cartoon-style portrait of a Venezuelan church called Nuestra Señora del Carmen, a gift from my mother. Next to that is a framed, stained, and faded print of a Chinese poem done under a mountain in gray-blue ink. 

Moving on to the right-hand wall proper, above the aforementioned shelf of author collections, is a piece by me on a different panel of that cardboard mattress box. Next to that is a handmade monochrome piece featuring the word (provided by me) "obstreperous", gifted to me by Ezra as a housewarmer amost five years ago now. Below the shelf, closest to the front wall and the small paperback shelf, is a large bookstack comprised of my heaviest and most oversized hardcover books on the bottom, a second little set of oversized books leaned against it, and climbing to hardcovers that are merely unwieldy, such as the softcover The Complete Illustrated History: Aztec & Maya, which is a very annoying book to shelve or work into a pile. I don't believe any other book in my collection has a comparable weight/volume ratio, set of precise dimensions, or a similar cover material. Weirder than a green dog, as my mom sometimes says. All these books are nonfiction, from textbooks to art books to history books and more.

That pile is partially suported by the Stephen King shelf I mentioned, which is topped with some oversized poetry books. The bottom shelf also has other horror writers and some science fiction.

Next is the inset shelf on the right-hand wall, directly opposite from the one on the left-hand wall. This one contains, from top to bottom, my Greeks and Romans, my Classical Chinese philosophers, my Zen and Dao, and some more mythology books and myths. Then my poetry, which has quite spilled out of its tethers here and is faced with a growing pile in front of the shelf. 

Finally the two shelves in the back right corner are stuffed and heavily topped with all my nonfiction--chess books, dictionaries of slang, idioms, philosophy, music notation; biographies; books about food, genocide, history of various stripes, disciplines, grains and scales, literary analysis, anthropology, magic, medicine, cosmology, war, dinosaurs, gender, psychology, drama, wolves, architecture, law, theology, aesthetics, linguistics, economics, philosophy, sociology, political science, and more. Always more, if I can get it.

With that and the six symbols I painted freehand in black acrylic on the ceiling as a beginning, we have everything, except for my desk, which is perhaps a matter for another day. 

*

Hoping to write about some other stuff, but this turned out to be an irritatingly massive, even ponderous post. In addition, its content could only really possibly interest a very specific kind of pedant, maybe, so, I dunno. Uncertain how triumphant I'm feeling here, at the end of a bit.

Ah, well. There's always the next one.


--JL

Monday, August 14, 2023

#340

What an August it has been! So much has happened since last I pounded symbols into these pixels. Indeed, initially, I typed out three weeks, reflecting that it feels more like four. In fact, no! It has been only sixteen days, evidence that not all of life is lived in the same chronometrical rhythm. Veritable cascades of impressions, changes, and conversations, further remarkable in that I have, despite being on vacation, largely hewed to a simple routine, stable despite multitudinous modifiers and prevailing conditions.

Some examples? Why not!

*

August is fourteen days old today, which is a great and very old-school unit of time which makes it for me to measure some things by--a fortnight. In the fort of these nights and days of a two-week period, which is, besides a very sensible span by many utilitarian measures, a comfortable unit of memory to me--the glowing coal of the most recent discrete chunk of time, past, but not yet the past, speaking loosely and subjectively. Anyhow I've taken a dozen round-trips on my bicycle in that time, during which the air quality has been mercifully almost always good. 

Some have been absolutely incredible rides. The worst was merely great. Stuff has happened to me like yesterday a young buck burst out of the scrub not ten meters from me diagonally in full career off the left side of the street, bolted across it, and made as if to zag in my direction; in my zeal to get a good look at the buck in movement I forgot all caution and actually sped up. The buck zagged away, across the path, and into the woods on the right. An air show is in the area and yesterday, too, many strange planes were flying around making some truly remarkable noises, which I factor as a catalyst to the weird but exhilarating deer behavior I personally experienced. Apparently one of the planes crashed later in the day. Bunch of 'em still flying around.

Other things I have seen include many people going about their day in many different modes of being; riding bikes also, puttering about their yards, driving their cars, walking along, being with animals, doing chores or paid work or nothing at all; sometimes, doing bizarre shit, as is normal and expected. For example, one man was shirtless on his porch, delivering a kind of monotone, medium-volume rant which seemed to me the indication of a banked but potentially explosive rage. This interpretation may have colored the impression I received of his holding a large revolver loosely in his right hand. I was never closer than about seven meters and moving along at a good clip I saw no reason to slack on, so my perceptions are by no means certain. Saw a man wandering up and down the strip separating a thoroughfare from a long drive that runs parallel screaming on his cell phone to someody about everything he could see happening interspersed with the outline of a vast conspiracy arrayed against him. He was doing the same from within a car that sat there abandoned ever since that day--perhaps ten days ago--till at least three days ago. 

Many amazing birds--goldfinch pairs, mourning doves, hawks and eagles, turkey vultures, woodpeckers, bluejays, crows, grackles, sparrows, starlings. Some of the flights and activities I have caught glimpses of has been very satisfying indeed--painterly, jewel-bright, elements of a ride which elevate its nature. To ride at the same speed of a low-flying bird not two armslengths away is such a snapshot of motion in space, such a spontaneous unification with the great dance of those who ride the wind with just their bodies, who in that moment seem to be saying, in the language of movement, "hey, you almost could be flying." The memories are all very dear to me, incandescent with that feeling of being close to flight, which is the best part about riding a bicycle.

Could go on and on, but there's other kinds of stuff to it all, which I want to be sure and try and cover. Onwards!

*

Read the incredible History, Big History, & Metahistory, ed. David C. Krakauer, John Lewis Gaddis, & Kenneth Pomeranz, from the Santa Fe Institute Press. It really was fucking phenomenal. Pursuing the Giordano Bruno thread with a certain avidity, I am rereading Lucretius' On The Nature of Things, which is cool but I think I would like to try a different translation. Pursuing concepts from the first book mentioned, also reading the other SFI Press book I have, Worlds Hidden in Plain Sight: The Evolving Idea of Complexity at the Santa Fe Institute 1984-2019, ed. David C. Krakauer. Also Teaching to Transgress: Education as the Practice of Freedom, by bell hooks. If I get through those before my vacation is up, I should like to read a small book I have about Logic, or perhaps a book about Math.  

*

The Pontiac Vibe I drive finally shit the bed, so I've been driving Ezra to his job at summer camp in the van, which has been nice time together for us, and this amount of driving has resulted in listening to a lot of different music, following several programs of interest. Those pope teleplays were basically made by the music they wove into their picture, and consequently I have explored their soundtracks and gained an interest in recent electropop. Also this metal band Cattle Decapitation. Other recent trends inclue reacquainting myself with my CD collection and some of the stuff you can't really stream, like Cutting Room Floor's first album and its nested solo projects. Also a live Bob Marley & The Wailers show, Babylon by Bus, which presented its most enjoyable-ever listen--it had been a very long time, and I experienced many aspects and consequences of my maturation very positively through the sounds and ideas on this record. Beautiful. Plus I had never fully realized how amazing the guitar playing is.

*

On the gaming front, I concluded the storyline of Tears of the Kingdom. Absolutely phenomenal. There's a good thirty-five percent of the game still before what one might term true completion, and I have continued with some relish. The end of the story was one of the most gorgeous things that has ever happened to me. From the descent, which I performed from the highest reachable sky island, to the dazzling conclusion, it was perhaps the best ending to any Zelda game ever. Some finales have presented more of a challenge, some were mechanically denser, and the aesthetics of each places it firmly in a Golden Palace type situation, but for me, right now, this one leads the pack. Nintendo saw fit to release some Pokémon games on its official subscription ROM bank, and for some reason the Game Boy Color game featuring the Pokémon TCG really hooked me in. I've reached the Elite Four equivalent of that game.

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On the social front, a friend I met during winter semester in class is staying with us while she figures out a housing situation. Been nice having a guest, some fun stuff. We saw Oppenheimer with her and her girlfriend, have shared many enlivening conversations, etc. That movie was super good, by the way. She even helped me move my dear friend Persephone's stuff from a storage unit to her new apartment, which was a nice fun time. 

Due to scholarly and transportation-rooted consideration, I've terminated my employment as a school bus driver on excellent terms, deciding that returning after vacation would finally present more logistical problems than it was worth. I'll get a more humble and less demanding position somehwere I can walk or bike to, just as I can walk or bike or bus to school. This is brought up by way of saying that this is why I could apparently so cold-bloodedly partake of ganja and trip on shrooms while in my position; I was fairly certain at the outset it would come to this. 

All that and I should make time for a few other friends, and perhaps my old friend Len, he with whom I am freshly shroom-communed should be playing and recording more soundscapes--one of the things we did on our trip--and perhaps even playing a show. We shall see! I know from wearying experience that one should never speak too confidently of such things are reality before their time, indeed, even up to mounting the stage at showtime. Strange to even entertain the idea of playing onstage again, but with Len, I think the thing may just be plausible. 

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My spiritual condition has been boosted tremendously by this break, and by reuniting with the bicycle as near-daily practice. Every day a great joy is sustained within me; passes through me and moves around me. My heart is moved towards compassion towards each of the people that I see, however fleetingly. Love my husband and my cats, my digs and my tempos. I feel as though I am at the leading crest of a great vibration, a wave of energy that is clean and refreshing and tuneful. Listening to God's mighty silence I hear the universe, its great rushing whisper. It is infinite, as are we all, though this journey is brief, as all that exists in the universe is brief in the reckoning of infinite time.  

Our lives are an immutable part of an allness. No element of or perspective in the infinite narrative is unnecessary. Thus, all that exists, exists in a perfect balanace of equal meaning with everything else, from the infinitesimal to the cosmic, from the first to the last and in infinite recurrence. 

That's just some of the thinking I've been entertaining, along with its further implications. Possibly I am entirely off-base. 

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Alright, fuckers! Signing off. Pray for this odd sinner.


--JL