#129

How we keep going is all the miraculous proof that I need. Serious talk.

That we as a species have not instigated total nuclear annihilation--that we did not blow ourselves to perdition the minute that was an option--on top of each individual shouldering their trauma and exhaustion and the innumerable burdens of existence and stepping forward to fight the battle that is life is so overwhelmingly outrageously laughably against the odds, even for one day, that it is mathematically a miracle.

Mathematics themselves count as a miracle too, though. 

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Drew three pictures last night. Did what I said I would do. 

The miracles we make ourselves are valid, too. To approach blankness and fill it with yourself--the performance of miracles. Everyone has this within them; even a creature like Charles Manson can make art that earns its name. That is a miracle, like it or not.

Nobody said miracles are always good things however you frame them, or that they're ever simple.

Universe doesn't have to be good to be miraculous. 

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Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said that he believed increasingly in spite of, and not because of, the miracles. I haven't read his books yet, just about him, some quotes, very superficial. Think about what I've seen quite a lot, though. Getting ready. Reading is a process I take seriously; my priorities and decisions may seem violently changeable and wildly chaotic, but this is misleading. I set myself a program, through which I allow a rich seam of chaos to run, so that I never stagnate, and to which time is subordinate, not determinate. Waiting for fruits to ripen while I ride the wind and account for what it brings me. 

Discipline is not the same as control.

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Anyhow, I am proud of everybody reading this for having survived to make it this far.

Fucking life! That shit is killing us, amirite?

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Today I cooked some bomb scrambled eggs. Those fuckers got treated correctly every step of the way. 

Let me tell you something: eggs are a miracle. Think about an egg for a minute. Remember that an egg is how you got your start, and that when you eat eggs you are eating giant versions of the cell that you once were.

Stirred up some big cells in a hot pan and ate 'em right up. Yum yum! Man, they were decent. I honored their sacrifice to the best of my ability.


--JL