#322

Dang! I really do be busy, quite. Turns out working about half as much and taking five courses adds up to more work than just working. Well, fine. That's fine. I'm procrastinating right now, by writing this, but that's fine. Tomorrow will a good day to do three assignments; today is not. That's just how it is sometimes, and I need to learn to be okay with that. Burning out is a grave risk when you want to achieve near-perfection, and I must allow myself the space to not do that. Back in high school, achieving perfection in the areas I wanted to achieve perfection was a breeze, because I let the rest of it all happen however it was going to happen without giving it a second thought or instant of stress. Failing the same algebra course two years in a row? Ask me if I give a flying fuck! I'll laugh right in your face. No, no fucks buzzing around my airspace. That second year, I had an A+ in both accelerated English and AP European History. Achieved a C in chemistry, mostly by showing up and cracking jokes all hour. I also got an A in Twentieth Century Literature. Don't remember what else I took, besides Concert Band, where I did fine but never brilliantly. Maybe another English elective. Took all the English they let me get away with back then. When it came time at the end of that year to talk to my counselor about graduating next year, she let me know that strictly speaking, I had not accumulated enough math credits to leave school on time. 

"I see you haven't signed up for any math next year, which makes sense, since you haven't met the requirements for any of the classes. What you might not know is, you can't graduate like that. Not in this state. Look here, though. You've already exceeded your English graduation requirements. In fact, you've taken and passed more English classes at a high level of performance than anyone else in your class, and you're maintaining that trend for next year. Nobody else taking AP English and Humanities and an English elective on top. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna make a deal. You're going to take this class called Geometry X. It is remedial. You take this class and pass it--just one semester--and do well with the rest of your planned courses senior year, and we'll let you walk. Fail this class, we'll have to have a different discussion. Do we understand each other?"

And thus, I fell at her feet, praising her benevolence, her wisdom, her power and acumen. The one and only administrator in my entire middle and high school career that acted like a human being. And indeed, though my overall GPA was really nothing to write home about, the English department awarded me an Outstanding Student of English award, which was worth more to me than the actual diploma. Also at this point I'm bragging about nothing,but my SAT scores would have been in the 98th percentile nationwide if my math hadn't been down at the 70th. Everything else, the bar was tickling that sweet 100. 

As you may know, dear reader, I soon proceeded to drop out of college and drink myself almost to death/madness over the course of the subsequent four years instead. I mean, I accumulated some credits at the community college I attend now, but my performance was awful, even worse than high school, as I would usually stop turning up mid-semester or even before.

Now I am giving all my classes the same focused I effort I once gave a chosen few. I will pull this academic situation out of the ashes, so help me, but I must also continue to take care of me in the ways I need taking care of--and hammering some bullshit into this blog every now and again should be part of that. Even moreso, actual projects, which I should really get to instead of any more of this nonsense.

So PEACE THE FUCK OUT, READER! THIS WAS HELLA POINTLESS! YAAAAAAAA


--JL