#297

If, when typing it up in this here blank space, I bring up truth and its unknowability a lot, it is because this concept, this question of the truth--and it is a Question--Quest--is the thing I have been thinking about the most, every day, for as long as I can remember. I don't believe I have gone through a single day of this life without asking myself at least once what the truth is, the real Truth, the Supraliminal Immanent capital-T Truth before which all miniscule-t temporal workaday truths are lies. The question of the true nature of God, in other words. My hubris has always been the wish to look upon the face of God. 

Death may show me, or be the starting-point of new stage of the Quest. I'm cool either way. What can I surmise in my lifetime? What does the Question do for me in my lifespan, how does it shape my existence and my being in the world? I'm finding out. Seeing, and at the end, I will see what I have seen. Seen what I will see. Man, is it hot in here? I'm woozy. This form of contemplation has this effect on me. Not vertigo or anxiety--a feeling of my corporeal liquidity changing state. Brain simmering up to a boil. Vascular system filling up with clouds.

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Tomorrow is my bus-driving test! I've learnt to drive a school bus, and should pass barring I mess up on any of the pass/fail elements which fail your whole deal immediately. On my pretest yesterday I did just that--the bus is not secure at a stop such as a railway crossing even if the parking brake is engaged and the service brake is pressed unless it is neutral gear, and I forgot that gear change, and only that, once--but that's a total fail. I am confident, however, that tomorrow will be a successful endeavor! Mistakes are the greatest of all teachers, their stinging, acrid lessons always the most enduring.

Whole process got me thinking about other stuff I could learn and get certified for, like CPR (one should have this on lock anyway, but haven't been certified since I was a teenager) and, dunno, whatever. Could get more endorsements on my commercial license, for example. Maybe I could learn to drive an ambulance, or a fire truck? So much seems possible now that I can maneuver forty feet and almost five tons. What else is licensed and useful? At what point does one have an embarrassing amount of licenses?

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Ok, that's that for today. Please peace the fuck out.

--JL